Overdue
by teamXjacob
Summary: Jake ran out of the room the day Bella underwent the change. She isn't as happy with immortality as she thought she would be. She comes to terms with her own anger with the help of Seth. Bella wonders if she will ever see Jake again & if he can accept her for what she is. Her immortality isn't as permanent as everyone thought though. What will happen when they see each other again?
1. Bella's Contemplation

Chapter 1: Bella's Contemplation

Companion Song: C'mon C'mon by The Von Bondies

As I make my way c'mon c'mon

Through these battered nights that seem too long

Now we grieve 'cause now it's gone

Things were good when we were young

(Lyrics are copyright of The Von Bondies)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Bella was alone and wandering aimlessly around the beach at LaPush. She knew she probably wasn't supposed to be there. After all, she was a vampire walking round the reservation. Even though Jacob had given his permission for Edward to turn her into one, it wasn't a decision Jacob was okay with. He gave his consent only out of desperation upon seeing the girl he was in love with dying in front of his very eyes. He had once said it would be better to see her dead than turned into a vampire. Jacob said that in desperation, too, but of course he didn't really mean it. He was angry at the thought of the beautiful friend he was in love with so easily willing away the rest of her life to an ugly and unnatural existence. He didn't want her dead, and as much as he didn't want her to be a vampire either, he couldn't bear the idea of never seeing her again. Seeing her heart stop shattered him into a million pieces that day. And so, the splintered shards of what was left of Jacob told Edward to do it.

No one thought things would get this far, at least that's how Jacob felt. He had always held out the belief that something would happen and things would go differently. Bella would realize how much she really loved him…somehow. Even after she admitted it to herself up on the mountain that day with the battle of newborns raging on, it's like she could never get away from _him_. Edward Cullen was like a drug that Bella refused to quit. She knew it was bad for her and yet she couldn't help herself. She _really_ couldn't help herself. Jacob knew Edward smelled like a terrible and sickeningly sweet syrup to him, but he also knew that isn't what Bella smelled. Bella was a human, and she fell prey just like any other human would to such an alluringly beautiful person with a smell so enticing you couldn't resist it. Everything about him lured her in and she had been around him long enough that she couldn't even see what he was doing to her.

And now it was too late. Much too late.

Bella gazed at the bracelet on her wrist. She contemplated the clear, shimmering crystal. That's what she was now, see-thru just like the bauble. Easy to see through for what she really was – a predator. She frowned and let it sink in for a few silent minutes. She was lost in her thoughts for awhile before she realized her fingers were wrapped around something else. It was the wolf charm Jacob had made for her. It was a stark contrast from the crystal that wouldn't bend, just as she wouldn't bend now. The wolf charm was made from wood, it was dark and smelled vaguely like pine and the outdoors. She could crash her car into the tree it was carved from and the car and branches would be warped and unrecognizable while she stayed perfectly intact. It defied nature. That is what aggravated her the most – SHE had defied nature by doing this to herself, in a way. SHE had let things get this far. This is what she thought she wanted. Now that she was this way, she had the space to think. That was the gift that came with immortality, especially new immortality. You get endless time to think about all of the things that were and all of the things that could have been. You haven't had enough time just yet to get used to the idea and so your mind races on.

Bella lifted up her wrist to her face and inhaled the scent coming off of the charm that instantly brought up memories of the woods, both in Forks and around La Push. It made her think about the woods flying by her while she tested out the motorcycles with Jake for the first time. She thought about how the trees in La Push surrounded her and Jake during some of the most intense moments in their lives. And she thought about the intense moments in the woods of Forks where Edward had abandoned her. Edward may have left a note for Charlie, he may not have told her to go wandering into the forest alone – BUT – what else did he expect to happen? He dropped a bomb on Bella that she would never recover from. She was lost after hearing the decree telling her he didn't want her to go with him and his family, lost before she even lifted up a foot to move from that spot.

And here she was now, wandering through the trees on the reservation. For what purpose, she did not know. She had come to do this many times recently and hadn't given it up. She came here to lose herself in the endless time she now had. It was a place that once held such happy memories for her and much like the Edward she couldn't quit, she couldn't quit her subconscious pull to spend time in the same location where the memories lived on. Perhaps she was looking for Jacob, even though she knew he wouldn't be here. Jacob had left and run out of the room, right after Bella died and he gave Edward his permission to begin the transformation. He ran and didn't look back. He couldn't bear to live with any of the outcomes of his decision. Either Bella was dead, or she was an unrecognizable creature made to be his natural enemy. Whichever outcome, it was too devastating to live with.

_He never stayed around to see the creature that I did become…_ Bella thought to herself, disgusted. She was disgusted with everything about her right at that very moment, and the sadness came crashing in. Like the waves crashing in on the shore of La Push, the utter despair overtook her and she felt as if she was drowning. Even though Bella no longer needed to breathe, she gasped for air as it took hold of her. She had come to sit on that familiar log where she had talked to Jake so many times, and now she rolled off of it clutching her sides and landing face down in the sand. She continued to clutch her sides, sure she felt physical pain just like she had when Edward had disappeared from her life. She couldn't physically cry anymore either, and yet she came as close as possible to it. Overwhelming sobs racked her body and escaped her lips.

Bella had never really thought of herself as womanly. Of course she was your average girl, before the _change_, that is. But being cold and hard made her actually remember those things; what it was like to be a woman. Soft skin, shiny hair, the way she smelled like flowers and the cinnamon tea she was always drinking. And the way she blushed when she was embarrassed or angry. She remembered feeling emotions and letting them out – whether it was yelling at Jake or Edward, laughing at the antics of the wolf pack, or the fear of being chased by Victoria. It didn't really matter whether they were good or bad emotions, just that it was her right to feel them and do whatever she wanted with them. Now it was different. She still felt the sadness, but couldn't let it out in the same way. And now it threatened to obliterate her. She no longer felt like the same Bella or the same woman she used to be. She was a stone, and the anger of it forced her to crush the crystal charm between her fingers into sparkly dust that fell to the sand.

Still sobbing and shaking, she rolled over and looked at the sky. And that's when she realized she was not alone.


	2. A Wish For Sleep

Chapter 2: A Wish for Sleep

Companion Song: Pressure by Paramore

Now that I'm losing hope

And there's nothing else to show

For all of the days that we spent

Carried away from home

Some things I'll never know

And I had to let them go

I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

I can feel the pressure

It's getting closer now

(Lyrics are copyright of Paramore)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Bella stopped sobbing and did a double take as she realized she had company. A large gray wolf cocked his head to the side and twitched his nose slightly.

"Oh, hey Seth" Bella mumbled as she laid her head back on to the sand and looked out towards the waves crashing in. A few moments passed. He took a few steps closer and nudged her with his snout.

"You know…it's not often you can sneak up on a vampire." she mused tonelessly. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see the corners of his wolfy lips come to resemble what looked like a smile. That was Seth, always playful. He was upbeat no matter what the situation. The only time Bella had ever seen him sad was when his father Harry had died.

"Ummm….sorry. I know I probably shouldn't be here. I'm sure no one is too happy to see me wandering around on the rez." she apologized. Seth-wolf shook his head.

Dejected, Bella sighed and got up and began to turn away. Seth put a paw on her, making her stop. He shook his head again. Bella paused. Seth whined slightly and then held up his other paw as if to say _wait_. He disappeared into the trees and then returned a minute later in the standard wolfpack attire of jean shorts.

"Ooooh, a t shirt too?!" Bella asked in good-natured sarcastic excitement.

"I've started stashing some in trees." he said grinning. "You never know when you might have a lady to impress." he winked at her. She half smiled back at him. It was hard to muster happiness in her current depressed state, but Seth did make it a little easier.

"So what's the matter?" he asked in a serious tone, looking at her. Bella sat down on a log and he sat down next to her.

"Like I said, sorry. I know I shouldn't be here." she said avoiding his question and his gaze.

"That doesn't matter. You're my friend. You can come here whenever you want." he said being his usual friendly self, though he still looked serious.

"Thank you. You don't have any reason to be nice to me, though, and you don't have to be."

"Maybe. But we _are_ friends, right?" he said as more of a statement than a question.

"I don't deserve your friendship, or friendship from anyone here. Everything I've put you guys through. But it's nice if I do have it, just the same. I don't really know how you even still like me. You know what I am."

"I know what you are. But you still like me knowing what _I_ am." He was implying the underlying reference to the whole supernatural purpose of being created to destroy each other.

"I do." She stated. It was a serious moment until Seth wiggled his eyebrows up and down. Bella couldn't help but giggle a little despite her sadness.

"You still haven't told me why you're here, or why you were…crying." he prompted.

"To be honest, I don't know why I'm here" she replied and then thought about it for a minute.

"Is it Jake?" he asked.

The very mention of his name made her freeze. Her heart dropped (or did it?) and she unintentionally let out what sounded like a squeak. Her lips trembled ever so slightly. She couldn't bring herself to say anything, but she really didn't have to. Seth twitched his nose yet again and then slightly pursed his lips. Jake's name continued to cause a stabbing pain and Bella remained silent.

She noticed his face and finally asked "What is it?". His face returned back to normal but he just shrugged his shoulders a little.

"Seriously, what?". He looked at her and she came to the conclusion that as usual, she must smell terrible to him, like every vampire did.

"I don't know. For a second I almost thought I was smelling cinnamon or something. Weird." He shrugged his shoulders again.

"Well damn. I must be hungry. What say you make me some food and we talk? I'm starving. It's been like a whole two hours since I ate." he flashed her a hopeful smile.

"Do you think about anything else? Really." she said in mock annoyance but got up and started walking nonetheless. "Yayyy" he said getting up and following her.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"My house. Let's go." she said. He stopped walking. Bella turned around and looked at him.

"Errrr…..is Edward going to mind?" he asked uncertainly. Seth was unsure of what exactly to expect.

"Edward isn't going to be there. We aren't going to the Cullen's. We're going to Forks."

"Okay. I thought…." he said, confused but he didn't finish his sentence. "Be back in a minute" he said and dashed off behind some trees. Seth-wolf reappeared and stood next to her. He kneeled one leg down on the ground.

"I don't need you to do that, you know." she stuck up her nose and tried to look snobby and not smile at the same time. Seth-wolf almost looked like he was rolling his eyes. He snorted and kneeled down his other leg. Bella shrugged her shoulders and said _ahhh what the hell _to herself climbing on his back and wrapping her arms around his neck. He dashed off towards Forks.

It was just about dusk and the fading sunlight was starting to cast shadows all around them. Seth slowed down about a hundred yards from Charlie's house and Bella jumped off. She continued walking towards the house and Seth phased behind her and caught up. Chief Swan's cruiser wasn't in the driveway. Charlie was away in another part of the state for a few days at some kind of mass casualty training exercise he was required to do every year.

Bella missed him. She didn't see him as much as she wanted to. She still came by to check on him and talk to him every once in awhile. Charlie knew that she was different but he didn't ask questions. Jake phasing in front of him had kind of explained the unexplainable. Bella remembered when Jake had done that for her. She had felt so bad about Charlie asking questions and being worried over her, and of course she didn't know how to tell him then. That was his way of finding out his daughter was different without putting him at risk of being killed by the Volturi for knowing too much.

She sighed. Here she was living in her memories of Jacob again.

They walked up to the house and she found the key and turned it in the lock. She opened the door for Seth and headed for the kitchen. He sat down at the kitchen table as she opened the fridge and pulled out some steaks. He leaned back in the chair and watched her in grateful silence as she also pulled out potatoes and started up some gravy simmering in a pot in no time.

Delicious smells filled the air. _I'm coming here for Thanksgiving_ Seth mumbled to himself under his breath.

She pulled out a plate and started filling it up. She placed it in front of him and sat down across from him. So as not to be awkward, Bella turned in her chair and leaned her head down and closed her eyes, letting him eat.

"Mmmm thanks" he said through a mouthful of steak. She opened her eyes and looked at him with a small smile. He finished and put his dishes in the sink.

"Shall we take this to the bedroom?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down again playfully. Bella rolled her eyes at him in response but lead the way up the stairs to her room. Seth stretched out on her bed as she sat in the seat by her desk.

"So why are we _here_?" he wondered.

"You mean why aren't we at the Cullen's?" she said as more of a statement, anticipating his thoughts.

"Well…yeah." he said, propping his head up on his elbow.

"I haven't been there in…a long time." she told him.

"Really?" he said, kind of surprised. "Well that answers my question from before, I think…?"

And that started Bella telling him about how things had been the last year since Jake ran out of the room that day. She was heartbroken about how he left, about what she had become. Now that she was immortal, she wasn't susceptible to Edward's alluring defenses in the same way she had been in her human state. Being free from the feeling she always had of something clouding her vision had been quite a shock.

She didn't doubt that Edward loved her. But, she was finally able to get some clarity on how controlling Edward had always been. The way he had taken parts from her truck so she wouldn't be able to visit Jake that night. The way he always told her not to do things. The way he was always with her watching her every move.

Edward had been like a drug she couldn't resist. The way he looked, the way he smelled, the way he used romanticized words to justify his actions. He cared, but he also couldn't ever seem to give her enough space to think about things for herself.

Now she had space. Plenty of space. And the vastness of it without Jake was too much.

She was still alone. She didn't even take comfort in having had a child. If she was being honest with herself, the idea of having a child that went against nature broke her heart. Renesmee was a reminder of everything she had given up to have a life with Edward. It seemed as though she had always been meant for Rosalie, anyway. It was Rosalie's dream, not hers. She didn't have her dream for long, though. Renesmee continued on her path of accelerated growth and overtime she became fragile and pale. No one could do anything to change it, not even Carlisle. Eventually, the little girl with Bella's same brown eyes closed them and they never opened again. And with that, it seemed the only thread holding Bella and Edward together frayed and then snapped off.

She had tried to be happy in that brief time, but it didn't last. She was angry with herself for never leaving enough time to consider having a future with Jake too. She hadn't even allowed herself to think about any kind of future – whether she really did want to go to college or do something, anything. Most of all, she was angry with herself for going to Italy. She saw that now in a way she couldn't see then. He left her in the woods that day. ABANDONED HER and told her he didn't want her anymore, she was no good for him.

Why did she ever go after him? He was going to kill himself because he thought she was dead? If he loved her so much then why did he ever leave her and rip everything out of her life promising her it would be as if he never existed? You can't walk out of a person's life like that and then say it was to try and protect them. The anger from that thought unwittingly made Bella grip the chair and break it into pieces. She almost swore she could feel the blood in her cheeks.

"Damnit!" she cursed and started muttering something about finding a new chair. They had been talking for hours. Seth sleepily patted the bed next to him. Bella inwardly seethed at herself but did walk over to the bed and sat down next to him. He put a hand on her shoulder and gently pushed. Of course it wouldn't have actually caused her to move an inch, but she allowed herself to gently sink down and lay on the bed next to him, looking face to face. His gentle brown eyes were kind, understanding.

He didn't really know what to say. If there was anything he even _could_ say. For as young as he was, Seth was very wise. He seemed intuitively to know whatever it was people needed the most at any given time. And so, he reached his hand over towards her and she took it. She could feel the warmth through her icy fingers, and it wasn't just the 100 and something degrees. The warmth of another being caring and understanding right at this very moment cut through her melancholy and she felt at peace, even if it was only for a brief time.

_Thank you_, she whispered as he fell asleep and his body relaxed. She only wished that she could sleep too. That was never something she thought she would miss. And even though she couldn't fall asleep any longer, Bella knew she felt very, very tired.


	3. The Bolt That Sliced the Supernatural

Chapter 3: The Bolt That Sliced the Supernatural

Companion Song: Campfire Kansas by The Get Up Kids

Laid in the raft till it started moving

The current just sang, the song was so soothing

We stopped along the way

On a beach in the sun on a beautiful day

Our boats collide, we feel the breeze

We stay afloat and make the most of everything

The trees would shake, we'd all feel fine

Let's take the moon and make it shine for everyone

What we lost means nothing

For the memories will stay

(Lyrics are copyright of The Get Up Kids)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

It was a Friday. It was also unusually warm for an autumn day, but the season wasn't in full swing yet. Bella was wearing a bikini, laying out in a wooden boat by herself in the middle of a lake on the rez. Staring up at the clouds, her mind was empty as she saw each one pass by. She had never been much of an outdoors person in her human life, made even more ironic by the fact that she worked at Mike Newton's family store for camping gear as a teenager.

Bikinis weren't really her thing, either. But almost all of the clothes she had were from that time Alice went on a rampage and cleared out her entire closet. French designer had replaced Bella's plain shirts and pants. The new shoes had their own closet, as a matter of fact. One thing she disliked more than fancy clothes was the act of shopping, and she dreaded the thought of having to replace everything. It just wasn't worth it to argue with Alice about clothes being sensible. That was a battle she'd never win. Even though she didn't like the idea, she had to admit that Alice did know how to make other people look good.

"You know, I can't tell where the lake ends and where you begin with all of the blinding light over there." Seth's voice cut into the quiet and the sounds of the lake. Gracefully, Bella sat up and scowled at the remark.

"You're supposed to be in school." Bella continued to scowl at him, though she wasn't actually angry.

"It's Friday. I'm cutting the last half of the day. Dammmmn…" his voice trailed off, taking the sight of her in.

"What?" she asked him, looking at his expression.

"Ummmm…" was all he could say, grinning. Bella followed his eyes.

"Shut up, Seth." she said and then laid back down in the boat.

"I wasn't saying….I didn't say…." Seth gave up after not finding the words. A minute passed by, he continued to stand at the edge where the water met the shoreline. He dropped his things in the grass, threw off his shirt and got into the water. He swam to the boat, which wasn't far away. He grabbed onto the edge of it, and rested his chin on his hands. They bobbed up and down for a minute. Bella turned to face him. She cocked an eyebrow.

"You know, we are at that point in our friendship where I can tell you what I actually think."

"Oh we are?" she said, pretending to sound surprised, but unable to help the smile that was about to break free. Seth looked at her. He was the same kid full of mischief, as always. But he was also always honest, and he was right.

"Yes. And I think you're pretty hot in that bikini. Excuse me for saying so." he turned his head away in mock offense and let go of the boat. He disappeared under the water and swam back to shore. He shook the water out of his hair and rummaged around in the backpack he had brought and found a towel. He sat down and dug around inside of the backpack again, saying to himself _Now if only I had thought of a snack_.

Even though it was only as loud as a whisper, Bella could still hear him, clear as day. Edward may have been the one with the mind-reading talent, but Bella was getting pretty good at being able to anticipate other people's thoughts and behaviors. And besides, it was pretty common knowledge that the wolves were always hungry. She rolled her eyes and chuckled to herself. If having a constant supply of food was the necessary price of his friendship, she would start to take up gardening or watch the Food Network on TV all the time.

Of course she had thought to bring something, knowing he would find her sooner or later that day. Often in the summer they had spent the better part of a day in this very spot, sometimes at the other lakes. Despite human Bella's anti-outdoors agenda, her vampire self had started to make her constantly crave nature. It was like the very opposite of what she used to be. Picturesque lakes with dark and deep water, sun that beat down from the sky all day, the sounds of birds and rain. They were all beautiful things with a noise and a voice of belonging and rhythm in how the world worked. She very much wanted to be one of these things again. She didn't try to pretend that she belonged too, but at the same time, she couldn't help but put herself in the middle of it.

She sat up in the boat again and paddled to the edge of the shore where he sat. She easily tossed a bag at him, which he caught.

"SANDWICHES! YES!" Seth flashed her a winning smile, noticing his favorite kind of turkey was in the bundle. His childlike enthusiasm was part of why Bella liked spending time around him so much. He had enough enthusiasm for both of them. It was easy to like him, and she knew how much he had become a part of her life now.

When time goes on forever for you, it's nice to have something to look forward to. Thursdays were movie nights, Mondays she tried to help him with homework when he did bother to go to school. Of course she let him live a life outside of seeing her, too. That was something she knew all too well about with Edward. You couldn't choke the life out of your relationship with someone. You had to let them be free to be themselves. Though given plenty of freedom, Seth and Bella did spend a lot of time together. They learned more about each other than they ever thought they would. Then again, a lot of things had come to be different than she had ever thought they would be.

While Seth was eating, she put a sundress over top of her swimsuit and shook her head at him when he protested.

"While you may be impressed that I am all man and all wolf, I am also almost eighteen and I happened to like what I was seeing…"

"Shut up, Seth" Bella said again and turned around while he found what else was in the bag.

The sound of crunching chips could be heard while she walked away, slowly following the perimeter of the shore. She chuckled to herself again. Yes, they were at this point in their friendship. They could talk about anything, at any time – good, bad, or ugly. They had talked about plenty of the bad and ugly. Often Bella felt like she rained on his parade, but he never seemed to mind. And as much as he smiled and joked around with her, he could be completely serious when he needed to be. He told her about things that were bad and ugly in his life too. Eventually, he opened up a bit about losing his dad and first becoming a wolf. It was a nice feeling, to be trusted by him, and to be able to trust another person completely with you exactly the way you are.

Bella may have been older, but he was still protective. Seth told her what needed to be said whether it was nice or not. She wouldn't have had it any other way, though. If she was ever going to like any part of the rest of eternity, she would have to work through more than a few things. Being honest not only with herself, but also with someone else who at least kind of understood had made her less angry.

Talking with him made her feel like a person again. Even though she could get very lonely at her apartment in Forks, he seemed to sense the right time to call or show up. Bella still saw Charlie, of course, but Seth gave her a reason to get up and do things. He was the reason she went grocery shopping…often, why she really cleaned the place up, and also got cable TV with an extensive list of channels. She had an entire cabinet full of different DVDs from movie night. She complained that Seth would make her watch too many terrible movies full of chesty girls and explosions.

But, on days where it was her turn to choose the film, she often picked ones that lead to very deep conversations. You wouldn't think a kid that could get as excited about sandwiches would discuss existentialism, and yet he did. It was especially interesting pondering existence, given their supernatural standing in the universe. They debated about whether or not each of them had been created solely to counteract each other. No one had answers, but they did have very interesting points. Life had started to become…normal, in a way. Bella could never let herself forget she was a vampire - that was impossible. But Seth gave her the ability to think about it less often.

Bella walked around the shore for quite a bit, thinking about nothing and everything all at the same time. She stared into the water, the ripples that appeared and disappeared around the edges of the boat. She looked back at Seth in the distance, seeing that he had finished lunch and put his arms behind his head. He had started to doze off in the heat. She was starting to feel something. The only word she could think of to describe it was content. Peaceful contentment that seemed to carry on the breeze.

Bella let him nap, and settled down in the grass to resume her watch of the clouds for awhile. After about an hour or so, they had started to become more numerous and gray. Yes, it smelled like rain and it wouldn't be long. She gracefully skipped over to the boat, and effortlessly flipped it with just a few fingers from one hand so that it came to rest under a tree with a giant canopy of leaves. She took an oar and propped it up a little. She gathered the rest of Seth's things and what she had brought and put it underneath. Just as she was about to call Seth, the rain started. It was a few drops here and there at first, but then the skies opened up and it became heavy. Thunder boomed out as Seth had just jumped up out of sleep.

He grabbed his shirt and held it over top of his head. He went running in her direction as thunder sounded again. Within a split second, flashes of lightning sliced through the atmosphere. One lightning bolt was a bit of a distance away near several tall trees. The other bolt came down right where Seth was running. Bella screamed out in fear in a shrill voice she didn't even know she had. She froze, not moving even a millimeter. Seth had just missed it and made it over to where she was standing by the boat. She allowed herself to move again. Both of them were drenched, water dripping down their hair and off of their clothes. They got down on the ground and slid under the boat.

"Jesus Christ Bella, I think I'm deaf after that!" he complained, covering his ears with his hands and then uncovering them.

"What?" he then asked, seeing her face. It was an expression he couldn't recall seeing before. She was silent. She closed her eyes, actually feeling like she was very queasy. The rain fell on top of the boat they were under in a rhythmic pattern.

"What? What's the matter?" he asked again. She remained silent and still, but exhaled.

"Hey…do you know you actually look kinda pale?" he paused. Realizing how it sounded weird, he continued.

"I mean, like you actually look paler than you normally do…is that possible?" he wondered out loud. He reached a hand over and poked her and she opened her eyes.

"Sorry" she mumbled after a few seconds. "I know I'm already dead, but I think I actually just died of fear right there."

"I'm fine. I'm right here, no big deal. I've lived through my share of epic events, you know. Quil's crazy date at the Rez homecoming dance, Leah's singing, mountainside fights with vampires hell-bent on retribution…." He started to joke.

"Seth Clearwater you are NOT allowed to die!" she choked out and he stopped. His smile faded away and he was serious. "Okay" he agreed, moving closer.

"I won't die, I promise." he said and slipped an arm around her. The rain continued down, steadily. It was almost hard to notice, but there it was.

A tear slid down her cheek as she quietly admitted _You mean far too much to me. I can't lose you too_! It rolled down off her face and hit the ground. Then, as if the rain didn't exist, it seemed like there was total silence everywhere as they both froze and realized that wasn't supposed to be possible.


	4. An Invitation

Chapter 4: An Invitation

Companion Song: Steady As She Goes by The Raconteurs

When you have completed what you thought you had to do

And your blood's depleted to the point of stable glue

Then you'll get along

Then you'll get along

Steady as she goes

So steady as she goes

Well here we go again, you've found yourself a friend that knows you well

But no matter what you do, it always feels as though you tripped and fell

So steady as she goes

Steady as she goes

(Lyrics are copyright of The Raconteurs)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Neither Bella nor Seth really had an answer for what had happened that rainy day. Bella didn't seem exactly as she had been for that entire year after the change. Little by little, over time, things started to happen. Weird things. Seth noticed things more than Bella did about her own self.

The smell was probably the most noticeable. He could tell that at times she would smell different, less like that syrupy sweet smell and more like the old Bella that smelled of cinnamon and flowers. When they spent time hiking out in the woods, she smelled like the trees or the mountain air. It wasn't just her clothes, but her skin too. It always seemed to happen when she was really happy or really upset.

Even more curious was Bella becoming paler than normal when Seth almost got hit by lightning. She was the same marble-like statue, still cold, still beautiful. But her face in those few moments she was wrought with anxiety and hadn't recovered herself yet…she looked almost sick and had felt sick. It seemed almost as if someway, somehow, the blood had drained out of her face.

In human form, the same extreme stress would have caused her adrenaline to start pumping. Could it be possible the same thing was happening?

One day during the winter, Seth became pretty sick. He was coughing, sweaty, and he felt just generally terrible. Bella was worried about him, and visited him on the rez as often as she could. Sue Clearwater was always polite and friendly, and didn't complain about the extra help. Sue always welcomed Bella into the house and never made Bella feel as if she was passing judgment on her. Leah, however, was not as nice. She constantly snapped at Bella saying she was there too much or for too long and that no one wanted her there. After almost two weeks of Seth coughing up his lungs and being so tired, Bella paced in the living room thinking about what more she could do.

"You're probably the reason he's sick. You're probably the reason everyone's sick." Leah said in an unfriendly voice.

"Everyone else is sick? Who else is sick?" she asked, ignoring the rudeness. Bella was too concerned that Leah could actually be right in some way to care about her hatred.

"Quil, Embry, Paul, some of the other guys…wait, why am I even telling you?" she said frowning and then walking away.

_Hmmm. Could I make other people sick?_ Bella wondered. It seemed at least a bunch of the wolfpack was sick. There had to be some reason for that.

"Why don't you get out of here? We don't need two lurking around the house!" Leah pretty much growled from the other room.

_Two? Two what? Ooooh…two vampires of course. That must be it. But who else would be coming here?_ she thought.

Right then, a knock sounded at the door. Sue had left awhile ago to pick up some groceries, and it didn't seem like Leah would be coming to get the door. And of course, Seth was in bed. Bella opened the door to find Carlisle on the other side.

"Oh…Bella. Didn't expect to see you here." Carlisle hid his surprise really quickly. He smiled a small smile at her. _He'll always be polite, forever_. _Even to me. _Bella thought as she stepped aside to let him in. She could see his medical bag.

"You're here to see Seth?" she said asked and then added "I…ummm…I didn't know you made house calls". She was feeling a little awkward seeing him again after all this time. She had always liked him though, and wasn't unhappy to see him now.

"I've never forgotten the help and sacrifices everyone here has made for us. I will always be grateful for that. I'm glad to help again. I think, however, it's probably also hard to find a doctor that wouldn't question the high temperatures and accelerated healing." He reminded her.

"Yes, of course. You're right. How is…Edward?" she asked but didn't know if she wanted to hear the answer. They had talked on the phone a few times since she left the Cullens' house, but the conversations were never long and it was always Edward asking her to come home and talk to her and her refusing.

"He's hurting, of course. I know he wants to work things out with you. It pains him that you're upset and unhappy. I know above everything else, he loves you." Carlisle said in his wise way.

He wasn't trying to pressure her, he was just being honest because that's who he was. Edward was basically his son and even though she knew Carlisle would never meddle, she also knew his compassion would always lead him to believe that people could and should work things out. He really was too nice for anyone to think of him as a monster. Even the people here had come to trust him after everything.

_Damnit Carlisle._ Bella cursed in her head, knowing at some point she would have to face him. But for right now, her concern was Seth. Carlisle went down the hall to look in on Seth. She could hear his voice and Seth's voice all muffled through the door. She could hear Seth coughing again and it sounded ugly. After about 10 or so minutes, Carlisle reappeared.

"So?" Bella asked nervously, praying that she wasn't to blame in some way for whatever this was.

"He's got pneumonia. As does everyone else I've seen. I've got a lot of work ahead of me, quite a few people have it."

"He's going to be okay though, right?" she was praying again but felt more relieved.

"Yes, he should recover after some time. I have to give him 3 times the dose of antibiotics because he burns off the medicine so fast. But, everyone will be fine." He put his hand on her shoulder, comfortingly. He let it linger there, and then dropped it. He paused, just a bit too long. He had a strange expression on his face, questioning.

"What?" she asked, seeing his face.

"It's just…well…you're feeling a little warm yourself…" he said, certain and uncertain at the same time.

"Ummm what?" was all she could come up with. She didn't really believe what she was hearing. But then again, she did actually feel a little weird.

"Bella, I think you're running a fever." His face turned into concern and disbelief.

"I, uh, I don't feel sick." she answered.

"No, I don't expect you would." Carlisle started saying something about vampires and respiratory systems and fluid and things Bella wasn't really sure about and was only half listening to. Her mind was trying to take it in.

"I really don't know how that would be possible. I mean, it isn't. It shouldn't be. I don't know." he was silent for a minute. "I don't have the answers. Something is wrong. Something is different." She could see his mind was running through centuries worth of training.

"Unless…" his mind was still searching to make sense of it.

"Unless…?" Bella repeated, not sure if she should start feeling alarmed.

"Unless there is still some type of human tissue left in your body, or blood. Something that would cause your body to still react to the bacteria in some way it would have in the same way as if you were alive." he concluded. She frowned. What exactly did this mean?

"I can't really explain it. Vampires don't get sick." he said, still looking a little perplexed.

"I've got to go. Other people are expecting me. Take care of yourself Bella." he said kindly, and left.

Bella put her hands to her head. _Do I feel warm?_ She couldn't tell. She needed space to figure this out, to think about things. She didn't want to bother poor Seth, especially if he was sleeping now. She walked out the front door, accidentally letting it slam as a breeze came by. She shivered ever so slightly. Carlisle was right. She could feel the difference in temperature now.

Bella felt like getting away fast. She ran through the trees all the way to Forks. She actually felt a bit winded as she slowed down. She heard something coming up behind her. She could hear footsteps on the ground and when she turned around she saw Seth in his animal form. _Stupid door_, she thought remembering it had slammed shut.

"WHAT are you doing here? Go home and get back in bed!" she chided him. He shook his head. She turned around and started walking away from him. A few seconds later, she could hear his voice.

"I'm fine" he said. "It's you I'm worried about."

"You don't need to worry about me." She told him and he started to cough. He took a breath.

"I heard what Carlisle said."

"Yeah well he didn't really know what to think…so…nothing to worry about" she hoped she sounded convincing. The last thing she wanted was for him to be stressed about anything, especially her.

Seth looked at her thoughtfully. She could see the concern. He was coughing again. Bella frowned at him, fighting the urge to tell him to get back in bed again.

"Seth, please go home. You need to get better." she pleaded gently, hoping he would listen.

"We both need to get better. You have places to go." he said sounding mysterious.

"I do?" Bella asked, not understanding.

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I've been invited to Sam and Emily's wedding, and you are coming as my guest." He managed a smile.

"That will be nice." she said, coming to stand next to him. He put his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. She could feel his head was very hot. They both needed a rest. They stayed like that for a few moments, comfortable in the silence.

"You know, I'm glad you said that." he said kind of slowly.

"Why's that?" she asked.

"Because…Jake's going to be there."


	5. Maybe Even Then

Chapter 5: Maybe Even Then

Companion Song: Bruised by Jack's Mannequin

We stood like statues at the gate

Vacation's come and gone too late

There's so much sun where I'm from

I had to give it away, had to give you away

And we spent four days on an

Island at your family's old hotel

Sometimes perfection can be

It can be perfect hell, perfect…

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes

That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean

For it to feel like this

Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised

(Lyrics are copyright of Jack's Mannequin)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

It was the night before the wedding. Bella and Seth had gone on a long hike the entire day, enjoying some of the beautiful fall foliage. This had always been Bella's favorite season. And of course, it was nice to have someone to enjoy it with. She sorely needed a distraction to ease at least even a tiny bit of the anxiety she felt.

They had sat up in a tree and watched the animals for quite some time in the afternoon. The birds singing, the deer carefully creeping along to graze. The world was slowing down during this season but it was still very alive. Bella was slowing down, too. She couldn't run as fast as she used to, and she didn't feel as strong.

Like the leaves, she had been in full swing and was starting to feel like she was fading too. That tired feeling she had once wished for seemed to be coming true. The hike had worn both of them out, and they were hanging out at Bella's apartment in Forks.

"You're quiet." Seth said after a few minutes of watching her be very still. She turned her head to look at him. She shrugged slightly.

"I don't know, I guess I am. Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize." He swept back some hair behind her ears with his finger.

"I do kinda wish I could get in your head a little bit though." he admitted.

"Yeah, take a number." she said rolling her eyes. He grinned one of his Seth smiles, getting the joke. He was never put off by her sarcasm.

"I didn't mean like that. It's just, you look upset. I've seen that look. You had that same face that night we were talking and you broke the chair. You're regretting something, I can tell. I just don't know what."

As usual, he was perceptive. There were plenty of times they shared silence. Comfortable, unassuming silence. The kind where you could think about anything and not have to worry about finding something to say. But there were times where her mind raced and she felt as though it was too much, like her worries and thoughts would spill out all over the place. She never had to say she was stressed, Seth already knew. And he never pressed her about what it was. He wasn't pressing now, and Bella didn't get that feeling. She knew he just wanted to help, to do something.

"Well…." She began but trailed off. She did want to tell him, but it was hard to find the words. She closed her eyes, trying to organize her thoughts. After a few seconds, she looked at him.

"Well…" she began again. "Well I'm thinking about Charlie, actually."

"Charlie?" he wasn't expecting this answer. "Is he okay?" he wondered.

"Yes, he's fine. But that's just it. I miss him. I know I don't see him as often as I should. And you know what else?" she asked. Seth stared back, listening.

"I'm just thinking, you know, what if I never saw him again? What if I never saw my mom again? I was prepared to give everything away. I know I was thinking about me. I never thought about what it would do to them too." _Hmmm_ she could hear Seth saying. He could sense there was more, and he remained quiet.

"I mean, I knew it would hurt them. But it was so easy. It was so easy to just give them away. Look at everything I put them through, especially my dad. I'm so selfish. I really am." She was angry at herself again. She hadn't even realized she had balled up her hands into fists.

"What is the matter with me?" she asked him.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Bella. You were in the moment, you lost yourself. I don't know. There's a lot of people that find out things aren't as easy as they thought they would be."

He wasn't telling her she was wrong. He always let her say whatever it was she wanted to, but he always seemed to lessen the blow. Seth was always more rational, and patient. He gave her the space to have whatever feelings she was having, and in his own way he reminded her that no one is perfect. She shouldn't always beat herself up for missing what she thought was the perfect thing she should have done in any situation.

The fact that anyone could do that, at least try to do that – for her. She loved him for it. She knew she would always do anything for him. Really, what would she do without him? The sting of things lessened ever so slightly. But she was still angry at herself, very much.

"Seriously, what is the matter with me?" she asked again. Her mind continued to bounce around to so many things, so many memories. She made what must have been a terrible face.

"What?" he asked.

"Ugh…I am just like Edward. What was I thinking? When he left me out in the woods…" she shuddered, before continuing. "He told me it would be like he never existed."

"What a stupid thing to say. We both knew that could never and would never be true. And yet here I was, doing the exact same thing to my family and trying to expect them to understand. Like they would stop asking questions over time, stop expecting to see me over time." Bella shook her head at herself.

"But it's not like it would hurt any less over time. They'd still be losing me, and I'd be losing them. And why? Why should I have had to give up every single thing in my life? EVERY single thing. I just can't help but feel like love…real love shouldn't have had to mean I'd have to give everything away. Why couldn't I see that then?"

He put a hand on her leg and tapped his fingers. He was thinking about what to say. Seth sighed, his full brown eyes making her feel bad for once again bringing up all of her problems.

"There are times like this where I just wish I had the right thing to say, the right thing to tell you. Look, we'd all have perfect lives if we could see into the future. Life wouldn't be so messed up sometimes if we could see what we were doing wrong in the moment and stop ourselves from doing it. But that's what life is - imperfect. We make mistakes and we learn from them." Her expression was painfully sad.

"Not everybody's mistakes are so permanent." was all she could manage.

"Maybe. But maybe they aren't" he said, putting the back of his hand to her forehead, denoting the change in temperature she still hadn't been able to explain or get rid of.

Seth yawned and put his feet up on the couch. Bella was quiet and still until she felt him relax and go to sleep.

Bella's mind flashed back to that night Jake was in his bed, sweaty and hurt after the battle of the newborns. And she had said to him _I know Jake, till my heart stops beating_. And he had paused, looked at her and said _Maybe even then_.

But he had run out, ran away when he gave his permission and knew what was coming. After being shattered into so many pieces, could he even have any of that love still left? Could he really love her for what she was now? If he could have, wouldn't he have come back?

Well, he was coming back now.

Bella could only pray that he didn't hate her. She couldn't help thinking about seeing his face looking disgusted when he caught sight of her for the first time. She put her head in her hands, unsure of whether she could really take that sort of rejection from him a second time. She would surely break, and not even Seth could piece her back together.

She also knew that her conversation with Edward was looming over her head. That was something that needed to be done. Even if she was rejected, she couldn't fully become anything to Jake until she was free.

Bella was thinking about when a good time for that conversation would be and the only thing she could keep thinking about was the word _Never_. Yet, she knew it would have to be done and soon. Really soon. She needed to do it before she saw Jake again. And she didn't want to drag Seth into this. Seth and Edward had been friendly after he helped save Bella and fought Riley and Victoria. It would be weird, too, considering how close she and Seth had become, not to mention how she had talked to him about everything. She certainly didn't want to put him in a position to come to harm in any way, either.

Bella glanced over at him. She went to the cabinets and set out things for breakfast for him the next morning. There was time to kill. It was hours before morning, and she figured she would use this time to figure out what she wanted to say. She got up and went to the door, knowing it was time to do this whether she was ready or not. _Remember the door, you idiot_, she thought to herself as she closed it carefully and quietly this time and slipped out into the night.


	6. I would Love for You to Understand

A/N Sorry guys, I did check it before I posted and it definitely didn't look like that! Some kind of weird glitch I guess. Anyways, here it is and hope you like it. Sorry you had to wait a little.

Chapter 6: I Would Love for You to Understand

Companion Song: I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie

How I wish you could see the potential

The potential of you and me

It's like a book elegantly bound but

In a language that you can't read

Just yet

You gotta spend some time, Love

You gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find, Love

I will possess your heart

You reject my…advances…and desperate pleas…

I won't let you…let me down…so easily

So easily

(Lyrics are copyright of Death Cab for Cutie)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Bella had walked into the woods, not keeping any particular pace. Her feet were moving, but what was going on in her mind occupied up too much space to afford any room to pay attention to where she was going.

_I love him. But I don't. I love him but it isn't enough._

She stopped, glancing around. Darkness. Nothing but darkness, except for the moon. She looked up at it, wondering where Jake was. If only she knew…he was closer than she would have expected.

Bella didn't particularly feel like laying down in the wet grass. She found a bunch of big rocks that were flat on certain sides and came to sit on them instead. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned her head down.

_I don't know what to say. I need to let go. I basically already have. I should have done this awhile ago._

She stayed motionless like that for hours. She was thinking about how there was a time where she couldn't say no to Edward. He was everything she wanted, all the time. Her vampire drug. Addiction takes away the ability to look at yourself and see how what you crave takes precedence over every single aspect of your life. You can never get enough distance from it to see how it's ruining everything around you.

One thing that was so frustrating was the way everything just happened in the end. Her fate came crashing down as if she had jumped from a plane with no parachute. It was as if she had been standing on the edge, thinking she was ready to jump. She was sure she wanted to jump, she had made plans for it. But then she realized she wasn't so sure. Jake was offering another option, a hand to come back away from the ledge. And as she put her hand out thinking about what it would feel like, thinking about the safety he would bring - she was sucked away and plummeting to the earth below at a high rate of speed.

And so it happened that way with Renesmee. She and Edward had gotten married, went on a trip, and a short time later she no longer had the ability to make that decision for herself anymore. What had started happening inside of her had taken away every other option she had. She was going to die before she ever really had a chance to live.

_Ugh. Getting married_. She cringed remembering that. Things always had to be done Edward's way. He insisted upon that, despite her refusal and reluctance to the idea. Why did it matter so much? He had always said it was about what she wanted, what made her happy. He would do anything for her. And yet, it was never that way. Not at all. Anytime she made decisions he didn't agree with, he refused to let it happen.

She thought about that night her truck sputtered and wouldn't start. Edward had appeared in the front seat out of nowhere, openly admitting he had taken away her ability to drive and see Jake on the rez. He didn't think it was a good idea, so it wouldn't happen. End of story. Edward always said he trusted Bella, it was everyone else he didn't trust. He always seemed to be very cool and collected, like nothing got to him. Perhaps it was the control he knew he had. But perhaps he was also just faking it really well. The kind of false exterior you can perfect after decades of practice. Perhaps…perhaps that night he really wasn't so sure after all that Bella would come back from that trip still belonging to him.

_You know, I really wish I could rip my own damn head off. I'm so stupid. I should book a trip back to Italy for my own death warrant this time._

Unbeknownst to Bella, that thought had already started triggering a response. Of course, Alice would see it as soon as she thought it and figure that's what Bella was planning on doing. She immediately had told Edward what she had seen happen to Bella's future. He had already started to look for her.

_Even he was questioning how right we were for each other on some level._

That brought back more bitter memories. He had called her house and then stalked off halfway across the world supposedly on a mission to kill himself. She had worried her dad half to death and hurt him, yet again, for Edward's sake. She had dropped everything to go running to save him when he didn't even have the sense to check on her himself after all that time. He didn't even bother to see for himself whether she was actually dead before doing that.

It was all about him, as usual. He didn't even care enough to think about what it would do to his family, either. Why should it have surprised her, after he left her unprotected and feeling unwanted? Laurent was right. There she was, all by herself. She couldn't have really meant all that much to him if she found herself in that position. Knowing that Victoria was hell-bent on retribution…But no, Edward had to leave to protect her. Protect her? He was protecting her by dominating her life and then disappearing once she was addicted enough? And this was supposed to make her life better?

He had to leave to see what her life would have been like without him in it. And then, knowing what he did to her by leaving - he couldn't even stay out of it long enough to stand to see that someone else had started putting all her broken pieces back together. Instead he just did his damage, made a cruel escape, and then came back before anyone else had the chance to really fill in that void in her life.

After she was hurting so much, she knew Jake had started to make her feel better. But she didn't know how much she loved him right then. He knew it, but she never had enough space from Edward before the high wore off to realize that's what it was. That warm feeling, that peace and calm that had started to quiet those screaming nightmares. That was Jake. Cocky and fiercely protective. Dark hair and a sexy smile and big arms that made her feel wanted. Big arms that always meant a warm embrace, even if he was angry at her and telling her to stop being foolish long enough to see the other possibilities that existed for her.

And when she was dying, right in that moment before her heart stopped…the one thing she wanted the most was that warmth. Not the cold marble arms that started to pump searing pain all through her body. Not the hell that was consuming her entire being. Before things started to fade away, she saw his face. His beautiful face. She wanted one last chance, just to feel him. Just to feel that he was there, that he was real. More than anything, she just wanted to hold his hand and to squeeze it like it belonged to her before she had to die and give everything away.

She had seen his face and it _was_ beautiful. It was beautiful because it belonged to the friend that she loved so much, whether she was ever ready to admit that fact or not. But it was tortured and shocked and so absolutely lost. He couldn't process what was happening. He looked so sick and scared that he didn't look like himself anymore. He wasn't Jake, he was a helpless man at a total and utter loss of what to do. He turned around and ran away. Ran faster than he knew how to run away from the horror that had become his life. And the last image he was left with was of her bloody and bruised body, totally still and looking nothing like the way it should.

It was a murder scene. And it was her fault. She had let it get that far. Renesmee had set off the fatal chain of events but Bella had set herself up for it. She would never forgive herself for it, ever.

All of this ugliness, it made her wish Seth was beside her. She wanted the comfort of a friend she had come to rely on. Someone that liked her despite what a terrible person she felt like. Bella sighed. She fought the inclination to go back to her apartment. Meanwhile, Seth had woken up back at the apartment in Forks. He saw the breakfast things Bella had left out for him. He cursed to himself, knowing she was up to no good. She obviously didn't plan on coming back any time soon, that's why she had done that. He was worried and he knew she wouldn't have left without telling him unless she was hiding something from him. Seth didn't like the feeling he was getting about what was going on.

Bella lifted her head from her knees and realized that the sun was starting to dawn.

The light coming up bounced off of her, making her skin sparkle. She looked down at her wrist, seeing the jagged piece that was the only remnant of the crystal that used to hang there.

_No, it's time to do this. _Bella was searching for the nerve she hoped was in her somewhere.

She stood up and took a step forward into the full sun. A million bits of glittering reflection were all around her. She didn't notice that Jake was hiding in the distance. Jake had been smart enough to know after what happened, after all of this time, the first time he was going to see Bella should not be at the wedding. This was likely not going to be a quiet or well contained reaction and he didn't want to ruin anything for Sam and Emily on their big day. He had to find her himself before that. But he wasn't ready to approach her just yet. He had to see her first, to see if he could even get used to the idea of what she was now. No, he didn't want to run out on her again this time if he couldn't handle it. And so, he saw her for the first time from a distance as he watched her get up from his place in the trees. He looked her over, thinking. Even from far away he could see that she was strikingly gorgeous now.

_Like a diamond. Beautiful, glittering. Something to be admired from a distance but still a stone, like HIM. A stone that can't hold love._ He put his arm against the tree to steady himself and then hid his face in his sweatshirt. He was sad, no doubt about that. But he also knew he wasn't being honest with himself.

_Damnit. She does. She has my love just as she always has despite what she is._ The thought of him saying 'Maybe even then' echoed in his head. He was angry, knowing he wasn't supposed to feel like this. He wasn't supposed to love a vampire. A vampire that had chosen another vampire – or so he thought. He still loved her so much. But he was feeling sick over actually seeing her this way. Jake sensed someone approaching. He always could tell when it was going to be Cullen. He was very careful to make sure his mind went blank and quiet so that he wouldn't be noticed.

Edward stepped into the clearing, seeing Bella. He ran over to her, put his arms around her. Jake couldn't hear anything, but he noticed Bella didn't return the embrace. As a matter of fact, she stepped backwards away from him purposefully. It looked as though they were talking.

"Edward, I've been thinking for a long time. I've been trying for a long time to come up with the words, to say it." Bella stopped. "After all this time, I'm really not sure where to begin…"

"Bella, love. You know you can say anything to me." His amber eyes were serious, brooding. "I've been waiting so long just to hear your voice." he admitted, sounding vulnerable – something he almost never let himself be in front of anyone else, even her.

"I know…" she sighed. "I'm sorry it's taken this long. There are just so many things I've been feeling." He took a step towards her again, reaching out. Again, she stepped back away from him. He put his hand down.

"Bella, we're supposed to be together. Forever. You're my wife. This isn't what it's supposed to be like." she could tell he was frustrated. "You know I would do anything for you."

"I know that's what you say Edward, but it isn't true. It's never been true." she frowned at him. "Edward I love you." He was staring back at her, his eyes very intense.

"I love you, but it isn't enough. It never has been. I will always be grateful that you saved my life."

"Bella – " he began but she cut him off.

"But…you saved my life for you and it wasn't your decision to make. I chose you." She admitted. "I chose you…and then you LEFT me. You crushed me and even though time has gone on, that feeling has never left me. That fear has never left me."

"You know I would never do that again." he said, tortured. He knew what she was trying to say. Edward wanted to say anything that would change her mind.

"The only thing we continued to share is gone." Bella sounded a little choked up. Edward covered his face with his hands. Even though Renesmee seemed like someone else's dream, she still had been theirs for a brief time. They had shared her and then they had lost her. That would still always hurt on some level for both of them. There was silence for what seemed like a long time. Bella found the strength to speak again.

"I want the space to be. The space to LIVE. And really live. I can't do that with you. I WANT TO FUCKING LIVE!" she screamed, the anger easily coming back to her. There was that sick feeling again. She exhaled slowly.

"We can live, we can –" Edward started, but again, Bella cut him off.

"No. You don't understand. You don't get it. You've always wanted to know what I'm thinking…I would LOVE for you to understand what I'm thinking right now." she said exasperated. Bella thought hard about her vampire ability, and threw her shield off so Edward could really get all the memories just as she had experienced them. The emotional pain of it was registering on his face.

And within a few seconds of her doing that, her eyes rolled back and she fell to the ground unconscious. Jake was already running towards them by the time she started falling.

"What did you do? What did you fucking do to her?!" he was yelling at Edward as he kept running and was fully phased into wolf by the time he reached them. Edward was leaning over her, looking bewildered.

"I didn't do anything. I don't know – " was all he got out before Jake growled menacingly, drowning his voice out. And out of nowhere, there was Seth, running into the clearing and fully phased before he reached all three of them. Jake snapped his jaws at Edward who ducked and put his hands up to block him. Bella had started to writhe and convulse. Jake lunged at Edward again.

YOU'RE BOTH FUCKING STUPID they heard Seth say in his mind as he lunged between them fighting, his teeth grabbing onto Bella's dress. He lifted her up by his mouth and ran away as fast as he could to the east.


	7. No Traces of Amber Left

Chapter 7: No Traces of Amber Left

Companion Song: Hurricane by Something Corporate

Stand up don't make a sound

Your ears might bleed

There are sweet fluorescent enemies

That live inside of me

The world moves faster than I knew

Not fast enough to creep up on you

And the space we put between

So pull me under your weather patterns

Your cold fronts and the rain don't matter

Because the sun burns what I needed

So don't say

"These currents are still killing me"

And you can't explain

But the wind went and pulled you into the hurricane

Into the hurricane

You don't do it on purpose

But you make me shake

Now I count the hours 'til you wake

With your babies breath

Breathe symphonies

Come on sweet catastrophe

(Lyrics are copyright of Something Corporate)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Seth ran as fast as all four of his legs would carry him. The sounds of growling and yelling faded behind him as he got further away. He didn't really know what was going on between everyone but he didn't have time to worry about Jacob and Edward fighting each other when something was clearly very wrong with Bella. He knew if anyone would be able to help her or understand it was Carlisle. The Cullens were a few miles away.

It took only a few minutes but it felt like forever to Seth. He knew a wolf charging at the house probably wasn't going to look good. He stopped about a hundred yards away from the front door and dropped Bella gently on the ground and phased back to being his human self. She was still shaking uncontrollably, and when he scooped her up in his arms he could feel how incredibly warm her whole body was. She seemed to be running the same temperature as him. This scared the hell out of him, knowing how cold she was supposed to be.

He ran to the front door, pounding on it with a fist he managed to get out from under Bella's legs.

"Help, please, Carlisle!"

He didn't have to pound for long. Within a few seconds, someone was at the door. It was Emmett.

"What the – " he said, looking at Seth. He noticed Bella in Seth's arms.

"Carlisle, NOW" Seth yelled at him. Emmett opened the door behind him and stepped back.

"Seth, what's wrong?" Carlisle's voice came from behind them somewhere. Seth saw his face a few moments later. Carlisle looked at Bella with a surprised look on his face. He saw her convulsing and then the doctor side of him took over.

"Put her over on the table" he said pointing in one direction and going to find his medical bag. Jasper had appeared a few seconds later. He cleared a bunch of things off the table in a blur so Seth could set her down. Emmett was looking at Jasper with a suspicious expression. Jasper shook his head back at him. He could feel Seth's distress and it was real. Carlisle was ordering someone to get towels as he was coming back up the hallway with a bag full of things.

Bella's shaking had lessened a little. Then she went still. Seth's face became really white. A few seconds later he could hear her making noise. She turned her head, throwing up. Carlisle went over and turned her on her side as she threw up more. Emmett and Jasper disappeared, mumbling something. Seth was silently looking on, afraid to say anything. He moved her hair away from her head and watched Carlisle. Bella had stopped throwing up and began to uncontrollably shake again.

Carlisle had put a hand to her forehead, feeling her temperature. _I don't know if this is even going to work_ he said in a low voice, eyeing the sharp point of a needle. He had a syringe in hand which he checked and then injected in to her. After a few moments the shaking stopped and her body relaxed. Carlisle was watching her carefully. Emmett and Jasper had reappeared with a basin of water, bleach, and cleaning supplies. Seth grabbed one of the towels and soaked it in the water. He put it on her forehead and looked at her. She was a different kind of pale and very sweaty. She looked horrible. Carlisle checked another syringe and gave Bella another injection.

"What's wrong? Please" he begged Carlisle.

Carlisle looked at him and then looked past him back to the door where Jake and Edward had stepped through. Both had very tattered clothes and were covered in dirt and debris from the outside. He looked at Edward who was clearly reading his thoughts. Seth didn't appreciate the private conversation right at this very moment.

"Out loud" Seth implored him. Carlisle looked at Seth and then back at Edward.

"What was Bella doing right before this?" Carlisle asked.

"She was telling Edward to leave her alone" Jake said contemptuously. He looked disgusted. The doctor narrowed his eyes.

"Edward?" he questioned him. Edward ignored Jake and spoke.

"We were talking…I don't know what happened." Carlisle was trying to piece things together. He frowned at Edward.

"Was she upset at all?" he asked, thinking it might lead to something.

"Yes. We were talking…" he repeated again and then thought about it. "She told me she wanted me to understand. Bella took down her shield to show me something and then…passed out?" he answered, unsure.

"I didn't think vampires could do that?" Jake said looking perplexed. Carlisle looked at Bella again and then his eyes drifted to the ground. _Hmmm_ he was saying, looking through his bag.

"They can't." he answered more to himself than anyone else in the room. Seth wiped away sweat from Bella's face and saw her, still looking awful, but now slightly better.

"What does that mean?" Seth asked.

Carlisle stopped rummaging around and found a scalpel. He approached Bella with it and Jake loudly said _NO_ and stepped forward. Emmett and Jasper moved to block his way. Carlisle took one of Bella's hands and held it up in his. He took the scalpel and lightly sliced into Bella's finger. A little bit of blood came out.

"She's bleeding?" everyone seemed to ask at the same time.

"Yes." Carlisle answered. "The process is reversing itself." he concluded.

"Is that even possible?" Edward wondered. "Anything is possible." he answered. The words felt heavy.

"For now, she should stay here so I can do further tests to prove it. But I'm pretty sure that's what's happening."

"She is NOT staying here!" Jake practically yelled, still in utter shock.

"I would never do that" Edward said forcefully at Jake. He had, of course, heard his thoughts and knew Jake was afraid that Edward would somehow try to change her back. They were in each other's faces again.

"She's coming back with me, you bloodsucker" Jake growled.

"No one is going ANYWHERE just yet." Seth now raised his voice back at both of them.

Carlisle, always the sense of reason in the middle of chaos, stepped in between both of them.

"I do think it would be best to leave her here for now, Jacob." he said calmly. Jake was unhappy but he didn't have to suspect ulterior motives with the doctor like he did with Edward. Jake didn't take his eyes off of Edward.

"You can stay here as long as you want." Carlisle offered, hoping to take the tension down a notch.

"I will." he said, now coming to stand by Seth. The tension was starting to ebb slowly. _Damnit Jasper _someone griped. After a minute, everyone appeared less on edge. Another minute went by and a little more calm filled the room.

"Now, we wait. This seems to have been building up for quite some time so I don't think it will be too long. I expect she will probably feel sick for a few days though." Carlisle said, gathering up some things and putting them back in his bag.

Seth and Jacob took seats at the table where Bella was laying. Emmett and Jasper went into the living room. Edward sat in a chair by the doorway. Carlisle remained standing and began to pace back and forth. He was asking Seth all sorts of questions about Bella. He did this for awhile.

A long time passed and Carlisle stopped pacing. Jake and Seth turned to look at him, but he faced Edward instead.

"Do you remember that time, the first time Bella removed her shield so you could see what she was thinking?" he asked.

"Yes. That was the only time she ever did it." Edward answered.

"Bella did that back when she was still a newborn. Do you remember what I said about newborns?" he now looked at all three of them. It was Seth who answered.

"Back in the field, when you were teaching us how to fight them, you said that newborns are the strongest because they still had human blood and tissue in their system."

"Right. When Bella threw off her shield to you that first time, Edward, she must have suspended what was going on in her body for a short period of time. When she put it back on, it protected and sealed in that tissue and blood around her heart."

He paused, letting it sink in. Edward was looking incredulous, as was Jake. But it was starting to make sense to Seth. Carlisle continued.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Bella kept some of her human qualities during this time."

"I would have noticed. I would have known." Edward was shaking his head doubtfully. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"What?" Jake asked, the same tone of disbelief. He wasn't getting it either, but he also knew he hadn't been around and wouldn't know if that was true.

"Like the way she smelled?" Seth asked. Edward and Jake both stared at him.

"Could be." Carlisle crossed the room and came to face him. Seth was thinking hard.

"She always smelled like the old Bella, especially any time she was really upset." He could feel both Jake's and Edward's eyes intently on his back.

"Yes, that would make sense. Any time she was in a situation where normally her blood pressure would have really gone up…" he trailed off. He was quiet for a minute.

"Each time, that must have strengthened her heart just a little bit more, it must have pushed the venom away just a little bit more."

"Her fever…?" Seth asked.

"Normally, a vampire wouldn't be affected whatsoever by human illnesses. But Bella must not have been fully a vampire anymore when you and everyone else got sick. She was affected somewhat, indicated by her changing temperature." He sounded confident in his reasoning, but turned around to look at Bella who was still laying on the table.

"So what happened to her back there?" it was Jake this time. He didn't dare to feel hopeful yet after taking another glance at Bella.

"As Bella threw off her shield again, that was finally the freedom her body needed to start reversing the process completely. She's still unconscious, her body is still working. It's trying to get rid of the venom." He glanced at the bleach and vomit soaked rags.

"So…so…" Seth tried to speak but his mind was still catching up.

"So when she wakes up?" it was Edward, breaking his silence. Carlisle put a new towel on Bella's head.

"When she wakes up, I expect she will be completely human again."

Three hours went by, no one said anything, nobody moved. You could have heard a pin drop a mile away. The sounds of daytime in the forest seemed to disappear. Just then Bella gasped. Seth and Jake both stood up at the same time, chairs falling away behind them. She gasped again, sounding like she was struggling to breathe. Edward was at the other side of the table instantly.

Bella was still looking really pale and sick. But she gasped again and this time she opened her eyes. There were no traces left of the amber color her eyes had been in her vampire days. Now, her eyes were dark chocolate brown - the way they were and always had been for the first 18 years of her life.


	8. This Time, for Herself

Chapter 8: This Time, for Herself.

Companion Song: Birthday Gallery by Daphne Loves Derby

I think I know what you're doing when I'm away

But believe me I'll believe they're simple mistakes

I've been worn away by birthday memories and galleries

Of pictures in my head of you when I'm away

Maybe we could make this space to talk about it

Forget about it for now, it seems so hard to do

And there's a constant pain in my head caused by sights I'd rather forget

I hope this time it will fade away

I'd do anything to keep this fear from flowing through my veins, oh

I'd stay awake and fret just for you

I'd stay awake and fret just for you

(Lyrics are copyright of Daphne Loves Derby)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Bella blinked her eyes a few times. She wasn't entirely sure of where she was or what was going on. There was a pounding in her head, she felt very weak. Slowly, she turned her head and the first thing she saw was Jake.

_Ohhh my God, I think I died. I must have died. I'm sure I have, this time._

Bella's head felt heavy, along with her body which seemed as though it was weighed down by something. Her thoughts and senses felt really jumbled up, like nothing was working right.

She was thinking of that moment, right as she was dying, where she had seen Jacob right next to her. She wasn't sure if she was somehow back in that moment again. She had wanted to reach out and touch him, to touch his face and to squeeze his hand just one last time before taking her last breath. But then she realized, for the first time, that she actually _was_ breathing.

_I'm breathing?_

The surprise of it made her sit up right away. She felt instantly dizzy and sick and slumped to her left where she threatened to fall off the table. _Woooah_ he said, supporting her head on his shoulder as Seth pushed her legs back into place gently.

_Ohhh my God…he's real. He's actually real._

The thought of it made her smile the biggest smile. It was like she was hearing her favorite song, feeling the freedom of a carefree childhood, feeling the sun for the first time after a long and brutal winter. The very sight of his face looking right next to hers, the weight of her head on his strong shoulder, knowing he was real – and really next to her at this very moment. She had forgotten herself and everything else.

The sight of Bella's face, her beautiful smile so full of joy - he had forgotten himself too. The last time he had seen her she was a mangled mess of a body, so brittle and bruised and unrecognizable. And here she was, smiling at him like she wasn't sick, like he'd never been away, like they were just Jacob and Bella once again.

He couldn't help himself. The emotion on her face was so pure. And here he thought he would never have this kind of moment ever again. Something had been given back to him, that he knew. The realization of it all actually made him cry. He was in awe of the universe he was a part of that could give this kind of Bella back to him. For once Jacob wasn't trying to keep up his confident and self-assured bravado. Jacob leaned his head down and rested his cheek on the top of her head. He allowed himself to have this one moment before the real world caught up with them. After all, he wasn't sure that he would have another moment like this.

Then there was the sound of footsteps. They were Carlisle's footsteps, quiet on the rug. Bella turned her head to see him, right behind Edward's shoulder. He gave her a timid smile and placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. Edward's face was hollow, dejected. He was staring but at the same time it looked as if he thought he wasn't really seeing what was going on. That smile, Bella's face…he could see that was pure emotion too. And he knew he had never seen it before. He had seen Bella smile plenty of times, but he knew he had never seen a smile like that.

This type of pure and unadulterated joy had never been allowed to exist between the two of them. There had always been something that tempered any kind of real happiness they could have had. And he had to admit that he knew he was the problem at least half of the time. All of the things they had shared seemed to have a half-life in comparison to what had just passed between Bella and Jacob seeing each other for the first time again.

He had never seen her look so totally happy, forgetting the rest of the world and lost in the joy of what was right in front of her. And he knew, right then, that such a smile would never be meant for him. The realization of it crushed him like all of the walls had fallen in on him at once. He thought back to that time on the mountain where Bella had been freezing and he reluctantly let Jacob lay next to her in the tent to keep her warm. He thought back to that conversation where Jacob had asked him about what he would do if Bella chose him.

Jacob turned his gaze off of Bella and looked at Edward now. He too had started to think about that exact moment, and Edward could hear him thinking about whether or not he would really let Bella go. Edward looked at Jacob's torn clothes, and then looked down at his own. He thought about them fighting in the woods as Seth had run off with Bella's limp body. They had been fighting until they both realized a few really tense minutes later that what they wanted to do right then wasn't as important as making sure she was okay. Jacob looked Edward straight in the face. Seriousness had replaced his usual look of animosity.

IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH WE HATE EACH OTHER. IT'S NOT ABOUT WHO IS GOING TO WIN. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT HER RIGHT TO CHOOSE. SHE NEVER GOT TO MAKE THAT DECISION Jacob thought, speaking in his mind at Edward. Jacob then remembered his last vision of Bella, bloody and dead on the gurney.

Jacob wasn't trying to specifically hurt him, as he had once done. When Edward came back and the events leading up to Bella's death were taking place, he had remembered Bella crying and emotionally shattered so that Edward would really understand the pain she was in because of him leaving. He was angry at him waltzing back into her life and Bella acting like it had never happened. Jacob had wanted Edward to feel the same pain Bella had felt all those months, and he had unleashed everything on him in full effect.

It was different now, though. It wasn't about him feeling the same pain. He wanted Edward to understand the full gravity of everything that had taken place to get everyone here right up until this moment.

The sight of it brought Edward to his knees. He knew that was never what he had intended for Bella. Edward thought back to when he had left Bella in the woods, after what had happened at her birthday party with his family. He knew now that he had done things in the wrong way, but what he had wanted – what he had hoped for – was for her to be able to live a life free from the dangers that his existence posed for her.

He had thought that if he removed himself, she would be safer. But he had neglected to realize that he had underestimated Victoria, for one. And also, that he had taken away her ability to make that decision for herself. He took away her ability to consider the risks and decide whether she wanted things to continue. Instead, he had ingrained himself into every part of her existence and then cut her off. He had fractured the fearlessness about their relationship she had had from the beginning. He had fractured the hold he had on her and left enough cracks and broken bits that let fear and the loss of total trust replace that surety that had once existed. She would never trust him the same way after that.

He had always been doing that, taking away her ability to make decisions for herself because he thought she would be safer. But it wasn't his right to do that, and it hadn't ended up hurting her any less in the end. Bella had made it clear that she didn't want someone to lie to her, even if they thought it was to protect her or for her own good. Jacob may not have had as much diplomacy when it came to saying things, but at least he had always told her the truth and never hid what was really going on. Bella was mad when she found out about how Edward kept things from her. But even more than that, she was disappointed. She was disappointed that she never felt like an equal. She never felt like Edward considered her worthy or stable enough to have all of the facts. Their relationship was perpetually unbalanced and the inertia of it had finally reached the limit.

She didn't want to be saved any more. She wanted to fight for herself.

Seeing that vision of Bella all bloody and bruised on that gurney the same way Jacob had seen it, he knew that Jacob was right. Once again he had done something that had taken away her ability to make a decision for herself and it had ended up hurting her. It ended up taking away her life. He had never wanted to see Bella dead, ever. He had told Bella that he would still love her when she was old and gray, and he meant it. He would never forgive himself for being the one to take that away.

Jacob had been angry at Bella saying she would give it all up. He couldn't understand how it was so easy to give away everything in her life, everything she cared about – just to become a monster herself. He was angry that she said that's what she would choose. But what he regretted the most was that in a way, he was part of that decision too. It wasn't just Edward, who had finalized the process. He was too selfish to let her die, like he should have. He ran out of the room after agreeing to let her become _that_. He hated himself more for his selfishness and inability to live with the consequences of a decision he had a hand in making. He hated that more than he ever hated Bella for saying she wanted to be a vampire and then becoming one.

He had run away because he couldn't live with what _he_ had become, not her.

Jacob hoped that in time, they would talk about everything. Right now, he would let Bella choose what she wanted to do. He would respect her choice, even if he didn't agree with it or love it, the same way he always had.

Time slowly ticked away, as if it ran at a different pace than the lightning fast way it seemed to have flashed by before now. Carlisle stepped out of the room, as did Seth who headed out the door and sat down on the porch outside. This wasn't their moment to be a part of, and they knew it.

Jacob let go of Bella, carefully making sure she was okay and could sit up on her own. He looked at her one last time, only love showing through in his expression. He wasn't afraid, he wasn't angry. He was giving her the freedom to make the choice about her own future free from any of the biases he had. Bella watched him walk away, knowing that's what he was doing. Somehow she knew she would be able to find him when she needed to.

It wasn't about Jacob. It wasn't about Edward. It was about Bella and the rest of her life. It was the rest of her life and what she wanted to do with it. As if time had been set back entirely, here she was again – a fragile human with an undying spirit and a choice to make, this time for herself.


	9. Between Life and Death and Life Again

A/N: Hey guys. I made the mistake of starting to read another story, and that story is very good. I am doubting myself here. Everybody's comments have made me feel a little better though. I do appreciate and I do read all of them, yes! Thank you to everyone who is still with me.

Chapter 9: Between Life and Death and Life Again

Companion Song: Overdue by The Get Up Kids

Very least learn not to do,

I think I might be over you.

Do hope I won't

Learn to make

The same mistakes,

That you would

Make me aware

That only fear,

My only hope,

Is letting go.

You're a few years overdue.

I spent them waiting here for you.

(Lyrics are copyright of The Get Up Kids

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Bella was still sitting up on the table. She looked down at Edward who was still on his knees. This time he was gazing up at her, sadness written all over him, perhaps even wistfulness.

This table…how many times had she been near this table before? Planning an escape from the hunt James had started, getting her arm stitched up, gathered around with the Cullens taking a vote about her future. Yes, she had been here many times before. Disaster after disaster.

She had even had her own table for the biggest disaster of all, the end of her life. The scene of her death…she shuddered thinking about it. Edward closed his eyes, he seemed to shudder too.

_Ooooh, that's right. I never put my shield back on._ Bella thought and then considered that for a minute. Edward looked at her then and almost smiled. He looked a little quizzical, clearly not used to being able to follow her thought process or hear what was going on. Even after all this time, it was still a novelty.

_You know, it's not any better for me, being in my own head. It's not like these things make any more sense to me just because I think them. Oh, and you will be glad to note I have not lost my sense of sarcasm in this reverse transformation._

This time Edward did smile. He still looked incredibly sad, but for a second or two his face did feature his crooked and devastatingly handsome grin.

"The same Bella I've always loved." he said, now taking a seat next to her on the table. She turned to fully face him and looked him in the eyes.

"I am definitely not the same Bella." Things were quiet, very quiet. She didn't feel the need to think very hard about what she wanted to say. This time, it just came.

He was looking very carefully at her, especially her cheeks. The color had started to return to them. He now looked at her hair, which was still matted down to her head from the sweat. Edward reached out, taking her hand in his and put it palm up. He traced a finger lightly across it, feeling the warmth that was there from Bella still running a fever.

Bella didn't recoil from his touch. No, she wasn't threatened, she wasn't revolted. She wasn't affected by anything because she already knew it was over between them. This was stolen time. It was as if she was waiting at the gate in the airport for a flight back home. Her bags were packed, she was ready to go. This wasn't home anymore, no doubt about that. But one last conversation before her plane took off wouldn't change anything. And so here she was, killing time before she knew she was going to leave and never come back.

She looked down, seeing his fingers there. She took her other hand and put it on top of his so they were holding hands.

"I may look like I did before, but I am not the same person. Not at all." She stated.

"I know that." he answered. He wasn't angry, he wasn't upset. He was perfectly calm. He knew this was stolen time too.

"Too much has happened. Between you and me. Between me and Jake. Between life and death and life again."

"This time you're free. You're free to do what you want. _Really_ free, I suppose."

And even though Edward was the one that could read minds, Bella knew exactly what he meant. He had always told her she had a choice. And that was true, up until she didn't - at the very end. She had thought she made the choice to become like him, even though that decision was made while she was still under the influence of her vampire addiction. But that's when the clarity really struck.

When she had woken up, a vampire, she knew the final decision about everything had been made without her consent. It had been too late to go back, she was what she was. She had forever to be angry and resentful. And once she really was left with nothing, she couldn't hide it anymore.

A picture of Renesmee's face came to her mind, and Edward's as well, seeing it exactly as she was. She remembered her curly brown hair, her pink lips and the blush in her cheeks. She had been strikingly beautiful in the same way, a combination of both of her parents. Then she remembered the way her face looked still and white as she lay dead.

"Everything died with her, didn't it?" Bella asked, thinking out loud this time. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. His eyes said it all. He wasn't going to contradict what had come to be true.

Renesmee's face faded out of her mind's eye. The next thing she thought of was Jacob yelling at Edward, reminding him of the treaty and what would happen if he changed Bella.

Back then, no matter which path she took – she had someone telling her it was the wrong direction to go. Everyone's fate had been invested in the outcome. Now her life and what happened in it was entirely hers.

Bella went into her head and thought about her ability, putting her shield back on.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" his face was serious, but he no longer looked vulnerable anymore. You couldn't hurt a person if they already knew what was coming.

"There's one more place we have to go."

And on the same day two of her friends were getting married, Bella was going to the courthouse to start getting a divorce. Seth went home and got a car and came back. He was waiting for her by the time she and Edward returned.

"Do you feel well enough to go to the wedding?" he asked, fully hoping she would say no. She looked much better than before, but still appeared to be incredibly tired. She _was_ tired, worn out in so many different ways, but it didn't matter. He helped her get into the car.

"I want to go." she said, watching him get in the driver's seat. He gave her an expression that let her know he thought she was crazy and he didn't agree.

"Are you sure?" his face threatened a talking-to about what she should be doing instead.

"Yes, absolutely." He shook his head at her but had started driving to her apartment in Forks.

"Good to know that your brief immortality only strengthened your stubborn resolve."

"Hey Seth?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up." she said and then broke into a grin. He grinned back at her. He shook his head at her again.

"Seth?"

"What?" he said, turning his attention back to looking out at the road.

"That means I need your help getting ready." _Mmmm_ she heard him say, not really listening.

"You can help me shower and see that bikini again that you liked so much." she offered, deadpan in her expression and voice.

Seth swerved into the other side of traffic and then back again into the right lane. He looked back at her with a face as serious as if he was going off to war.

"Deal."


	10. No, Of Course Not

Chapter 10: No, Of Course Not.

Companion Song: Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

I know we're just like old friends

We just can't pretend

That lovers make amends

We are reasons so unreal

We can't help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you're just like me

Next time I promise we'll be

Perfect

Perfect

Perfect strangers down the line

Lovers out of time

Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was…

(Lyrics are copyright of The Smashing Pumpkins)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Seth was helping Bella get ready at her apartment first. Afterwards, they would head back to the rez because that's where the wedding was being held and also so Seth could get changed too.

Bella was wearing her bikini, as she had promised. Seth flashed a grin and cocked an eyebrow.

"Don't get used to it." she said, rolling her eyes but smiling back at him. Seth sighed dramatically and pretended like he was crying. She couldn't help but giggle at his antics. Today had been physically and emotionally draining, and it wasn't even close to being over. It was nice to be able to laugh about something.

Bella didn't feel well enough to stand up in the shower for a long time, so she took a bath instead. Things were quiet for a few minutes. Seth was sitting on the vanity counter staring out the window, lost somewhere in his head while she washed up. She had just finished rinsing her hair and was ready to get out but needed a minute to rest. She leaned back in the tub, thinking.

"Seth?"

He turned his head back in her direction. He didn't answer but was looking at her, listening.

"I'm nervous."

"Nervous?" he looked confused. "Nervous why?"

"I look like crap, I feel like crap. I don't know. Ugh..." she closed her eyes.

"What if he decides he isn't coming anymore?" she said quietly.

"He'll be there." Bella opened her eyes back up and slightly shook her head, frowning at him like she wasn't entirely convinced. She got up from the tub and stood on the rug. Dripping water from her hair and the strings on her bikini had started to pool on the floor. Seth handed her a towel.

They walked down the hall where Bella went into her room and got changed into a silky cobalt blue dress she had laid out on the chair. She opened the door back up and Seth came in and sat on the bed while she found her hairdryer and a brush. He looked at her thoughtfully, noticing she hadn't put out any shoes.

"Where your shoes?" he asked. Bella pointed to one side of the room. One long wall was entirely made up of closet doors.

He went to one closet and opened the doors, finding massive amounts of clothes. He opened another door, finding more dresses and tops. He shut that door and muttered _Jeeeez_ to himself. He opened the last set of big doors to reveal a closet full of no less than fifty pairs of shoes in different colors and styles. He stood there looking at all of them for awhile and then threw up his hands in exasperation.

"You're on your own Bella. I don't even wear shoes half the time anymore. Paws are great like that." he was being silly to try and get her to smile, as usual, when he felt she was being too serious.

She went back to the bathroom and dried her hair. She spent a while carefully twisting her hair into a style she thought looked nice. Bella put make up on, she wanted to look as good as possible. She was mortified, thinking what she must have looked like back at the Cullens and having that be the first look Jake had gotten of her after so much time. She wanted this to be perfect, for everything to be perfect. She was thinking about what Seth said, he seemed sure that Jake would make an appearance.

"You look pretty." he told her when she came back into the room.

"I want to know why you're sure he's going to be there."

"Regardless of everything else going on, I know he wouldn't skip out on Sam like that. He's knows it's a big deal, obviously. It's his excuse, anyways."

"His…excuse? What exactly does that mean?" she asked, dropping her make up back onto her dresser and turning to stare at him.

"Uhhh, well….uhhh maybe _excuse_ wasn't the best word to use." Her face demanded answers.

She had barely seen Jake back at the Cullens. She had thrown up, she was sweaty, her dress was torn from Seth's teeth. She woke up incredibly disoriented and coming to the realization that she was a human again when he was there. She felt terrible and knew she must have looked terrible. He just appeared in front of her very face and she wasn't prepared for it at all. She had no words, she had been rendered utterly speechless by the surprise of him being there.

And he had slipped out of the room, wanting to give her space and privacy. He wanted to give her the space to make a decision with a clear head. He knew if he stood there too long he would say something he regretted in some way. Seeing her face again, after all that time they had been apart, after everything that had happened. He was unsure until that moment. She didn't hate him after all. That realization had given him enough strength to leave the room. This time, he wanted Bella to realize on her own who she wanted to be with. He didn't want to plead with her, he didn't want to yell. He knew it was important that everything happen on her terms this time. Jake would wait forever, if he had to.

"Excuse?" she repeated. Seth shifted his weight on the bed and thought carefully about how he was going to say things.

"Sam and Emily's wedding has been the excuse Jake needed to come back. It was not, however, his _reason_."

"It wasn't?" she asked, feeling anxious.

"No, of course not. YOU are." he said, his face clearly wondering why this wasn't obvious to her.

"I am? I...? _Me_?" nothing seemed obvious to Bella. She wasn't comprehending.

What was Seth talking about? Jake had been gone such a long time and she had come to doubt she would _ever_ see him again. Of course, she had never expected him to be there as she woke up, either.

"Bella, he's wanted to come back for a long time – almost since he left. He's wanted to talk to you for months and months. Trust me, I know. I've heard it in his thoughts over and over. Any time I ran patrol on the rez and he was within range, I knew you were all he was thinking about."

"Really?" Bella wanted to believe it, but she couldn't just yet. "Then why didn't he? I've been here the whole time."

All these months Jake wanted to talk to her?! Yes, she had been here the whole time. Here alone, hating herself over everything, certain he would never want to look at her or hear from her again knowing what she was.

"Yes, but once he realized you weren't dead…" Bella looked at him, listening intently. _Dead_, she mumbled to herself. Seth paused before continuing.

"Ummm…dead, you know? Like _just _dead." _Mmmhmm_ she nodded.

"Well he didn't want to interfere with your life. He didn't know that you and Edward weren't together anymore until he heard that in my head awhile after we had that talk that night."

Bella was quiet, her mind racing. _All this time, all this time, I can't believe it._

"We have to get going." Seth reminded her after looking down at his watch. She threw some essentials in a small silver evening clutch she had and went to the closet to find matching silver shoes. They got in Seth's car and drove back to his house on the rez. She didn't say anything the entire ride over.

Sue had apparently already left early for the wedding. Bella wondered if Leah would be there at all. _Probably not. Too painful for her_ she thought. Bella understood what it was like to have things go horribly wrong with the one person you love and decided to cut her some slack. Things were over for Leah. But not for her, right?

She was still preoccupied with what Seth had told her. She didn't even notice that he had gotten dressed already. He stopped and did a catwalk turn, throwing his jacket over his shoulder and putting a hand through his hair. He flashed a smile at her when she rolled her eyes.

"How much time do we have?" she asked him. She was nervous, on edge. She wanted to get through this already. Bella wanted to talk to Jake so badly, to see him. She had begun to pace the floor.

"A little. We could find something to do." he told her, doing his trademark eyebrow move. She laughed nervously. He was trying to distract her, but it didn't work. Her mind was way too full, but she appreciated it just the same.

"Ughhh Seth." She shook her head at him. "What would I do without you?"

"C'mon, stop." He stepped in front of her, putting his arms up and on her shoulders. "I don't like when you pace."

"Sorry. I can't help it. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm afraid I'm going to mess up when I see him."

"I was too stupid to say anything the last time." she added, fidgeting with the strap on her dress.

"It's all going to work out. Don't worry." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Now let's go."

They drove a little ways, it wasn't too far from Seth's house. Early Autumn really was a beautiful time of year. The leaves looked full and perfect for today's celebration. Bella noticed the big building and all of the cars outside. Someone had put a pretty display out front that included a birdcage with two doves in it. Bella and Seth went inside. Seth spotted one of his friends and went over to talk to him. Bella anxiously scanned the people inside. She recognized almost everyone there, but didn't see the one person she wanted to see the most. She went in and took a seat, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

_Where is he?_

Seth was laughing over in the corner. A few more friends had walked over and were chatting. Bella wished she could share the same carefree feeling. The sounds of instruments tuning could be heard and people shuffled into their seats. Seth came to sit next to her.

Bella needed to give her mind something to think about. She noticed the details of the things around her. There were white covers and deep purple ribbons tied at the back of each chair. There were white rose petals on the aisle runner. The bridesmaids were wearing purple dresses, and the groomsmen had on dark gray suits with white shirts. Everyone looked really nice. Sam looked so happy standing up there. Bella was feeling sad, remembering her own failed wedding. She tried not to let it show on her face, but must not have done a very good job. _Relax_, _he'll be here_ Seth whispered. She sighed.

_Patience Bella, patience. You've waited going on two years, what's another afternoon?_

Jake had slipped in the back row just in time to see things get started. He was equally as nervous, but much better at hiding it. His face betrayed nothing as his mind went just as crazy as Bella's on the inside.

Emily had come down the aisle next to Sam and the two of them were holding hands at the altar. Jake stopped listening altogether and dared to think about what it would be like if he and Bella were standing there right now.

_Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because she doesn't hate you doesn't mean she loves you either._

The ceremony was short. Jake slipped out right after the wedding party walked through the doors and headed over to where the reception tent had been set up. He carefully hid himself in the crowd over on one side of the space.

Bella stared Seth down as they were leaving. He shrugged his shoulders. They headed over to the tent and found seats at a table. Seth tried talking to her as they waited for the wedding party to come in. She talked a little but couldn't really hold a conversation. Bella looked around but still didn't see Jake. There were so many people there, and it was hard to see much of anything besides the table in front of her. There were large flower centerpieces in the middle of each table, making it hard to see even the couple sitting across from them.

Emily and Sam made their way into the tent, right onto the dance floor where they were holding hands. Everybody clapped. She really did look pretty, despite the large scar on her face. The happiness she was exuding negated the ugliness of the marks. Things got under way and after some time, food was served. This was the first time Bella had eaten real food in a very long time and it tasted weird. She made a face, hoping that this wasn't a permanent side effect of everything.

Emily and Sam had their first dance. The DJ then invited everyone else to come join them on the dance floor. Seth reluctantly dragged Bella onto the dance floor, smiling mischievously the whole time.

"Seth, what is your deal?" she eyed him warily.

"Come on, enjoy yourself Bella." he said and winked at her. The song was slow, and they swayed back and forth to the music. There was a voice behind her in her ear.

"Mind if I have this dance?" he asked. It was Jake, and the very sound of his voice sent waves throughout her body. He then stood next to Seth.

"Yes, I do mind. I believe I get at least one whole song, seeing as how Bella is _my_ date." Seth said, turning his head in folding his arms in mock offense.

"We can settle this later." Jake said, smiling in a way that made Bella's knees want to buckle.

"You're on." Seth smiled in response and lightly punched him in the arm, winking at Bella again before disappearing.


	11. The End of 2 Years Worth of All-Nighters

Chapter 11: The End of Two Years Worth of All-Nighters

Companion Song: Tonight by Cartel

So, maybe this is asking too much of you

But I'm in no mood this time

And I'm thinking 'bout making you mine

Oh please just say it this once

Then there's nothing else to be said

And it's all, baby all

I can think of when I'm with you

And it's more than I can stand

So maybe tonight

Say it for the first time,

And it shows, yeah it shows

Just give me tonight

Say it for the first time

And it shows, yeah it shows

Is this love

(Lyrics are copyright of Cartel)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Jake slipped his arms around her waist. Bella had to remind herself to breathe, not only because she hadn't been doing that again for very long, but also because the sight of him was enough to make any girl forget to do it. Jacob was never one to be fancy, but he did have nice black pants on and a crisp white button down shirt. His hair was short like it had been ever since joining the wolf pack, but it had grown in a little. He even had a bit of stubble growing on his face. Bella had to admit she actually really liked that. It was nice to see him still his rugged and outdoorsy self even though the party attire was clearly not his thing. And it was a nice contrast to the highly manicured Edward, the absolute picture of perfection she felt she could never live up to.

They were both swaying to the music but still couldn't find any words right away. It wasn't an awkward silence, though. It was as if they both knew so much had gone on you couldn't find where to even begin the conversation. Finally, Jake spoke.

"You look beautiful, Bella."

"Thank you."

"No, I mean, _really_. You look…" again he struggled for the right words to describe how he was feeling. After a minute he grinned and shook his head at himself.

"You don't have to say anything Jake." One corner of her lip twitched up, she couldn't help but wanting to smile back at him. She was still incredibly nervous, not wanting to screw this up in any way.

"No, I do. There are so many things I _do_ have to say."

He stopped swaying and Bella stopped too. The song was over a few moments later anyways. He made a face, a little frustration showing through. They both understood this wasn't the time or place.

"Bella –"

"Jake –"

They were both trying to talk at the same time.

"Go ahead -"

"No you go ahead -"

They were doing it again. He smiled at her. She looked in his eyes, seeing beautiful brown. She could fall into them forever and ever it seemed.

"Jake…I'm just so glad to see you."

"You don't look like it." he had noticed the sad look in her eyes.

"No, I am. I just…I never expected to see you again. I never thought you'd ever want to talk to me again, either. I'm just afraid I won't get the chance after this…" she trailed off. He shared that same sad look in his eyes. He knew how much she had been hurting in his absence.

"I'm going to be here when this is over. You'll get the chance to see me again, I promise." Bella's shoulders relaxed a little. That made her feel less tense.

_He isn't going to disappear, at least not right away. Just get through this evening._

There was more dancing, followed by the best man's speech given by Paul. There was wedding cake and all sorts of deserts, but Bella wasn't terribly hungry. Food still didn't taste normal and she hadn't had enough time since throwing up at the Cullen's to really want to test her limits anyhow. As evening began to fall, a chill crept into the air. Jake hadn't worn a jacket. Burning at more than a hundred degrees all the time made you forget those. He wanted to smack himself for not thinking about something like that. Luckily, Seth had reappeared and given Bella his. He teased her about getting her into the party and then not dancing with him.

"You owe me big time, Bella." he pretended to be stern with her.

"Let me start by adding up last month's grocery bill…hmmm" she shot back at him.

"Okay, okay. Maybe you owe me a little less." he conceded with a smirk. "Anyways, Paul and the rest of the guys are getting together after everyone sends Sam and Emily off. I want to make sure you get home okay, though. Jake, you in?"

"No, thanks Seth. I think I'm partied out for now. You enjoy. I'll make sure Bella gets home alright."

"Okay. You're missing out. Embry's bringing the Fireball whiskey tonight. Hey Jake, you remember the last time…?" he stopped. Jake shook his head at him, clearly remembering some stupid antics he didn't want mentioned at the moment.

"No Fireball for me tonight. No more for…awhile." He said sheepishly. Seth laughed at him. Bella wanted to know but she also didn't want to know. She rolled her eyes.

"Anyways, I'll see you later Bella. Don't have too much fun without me." he was grinning mischievously again as he hugged her goodbye.

"Good lord Seth. What kind of trouble are you going to get into?"

"Who, me?" he said innocently and walked away. Jake snorted and looked around the reception tent.

"I just want to talk to my dad for a few minutes, okay?" he told her.

Jake walked off and went over to Billy. Bella was feeling really tired after all the time she had spent on her feet. She still wasn't feeling like herself yet. It felt like she was getting over having the flu. She needed to sit down for at least a few minutes. She found her seat and leaned down on the table, folding her arms. Her head was feeling heavy. Actually, her whole body was feeling like it weighed so much.

_Carlisle was right, these next few days are going to suck_ she thought to herself miserably.

She rested her head down on her arms and looked up at the flower arrangement on the table. There were several different kinds of flowers, all carefully cut and stuck in the vase a certain way. Bella was admiring it for a minute or two when her eyelids started to droop and then close. It had been almost two years since she had actually slept, and her body had a lot of catching up to do in it's current state.

"Bella, Bella" she heard quietly in her ear as warm hands gently shook her. She half opened her eyes and then picked her head up, feeling like an idiot.

Bella, let me take you home." Jake said, offering her his hand. _I'm sorry_ she mumbled.

"Don't apologize. It's my fault for keeping you waiting. I should have known better. I know you aren't feeling better yet. Wait here" he told her, going to get his car.

He returned in only a few minutes, which she was really glad to see. She didn't know how much longer her legs would hold out, especially since she still felt groggy and out of it. He opened the door and she got in. Bella willed herself to stay awake in the car. She was feeling anxious thinking about him leaving again, even if it was only for the night. The will to stay awake was fading fast. The darkness of the evening that had set in, and the gentle movement of the car coupled with the warmth from Seth's jacket; everything was working against her.

Bella turned her head in her seat, looking at him with bleary eyes but a trace of a smile on her lips. She felt so safe, so at home with him again. It had been a long time, and there were certainly a lot of things left to work out and talk about. But, he was here. Really here. And she wanted nothing more than to just be able to reach across the seat and grab on to him, never letting go. As if he knew what she was thinking about, he reached across the seat holding out his hand. She took it.

They held hands for awhile and he let go. He brushed hair some hair that had fallen out of her bun back off of her face. _My Jacob _she thought. That was the last thing Bella remembered before totally falling asleep. He had lessened that anxiety from before, with just a gentle touch. She felt safe and secure and couldn't fight off the giant waves of tired that kept washing over her.

She was still asleep as he unbuckled her seatbelt and carried her into her apartment. He must have known how to get there from seeing it in Seth's mind. He walked down the hall into her room and placed her on the bed. Jake pulled off her shoes carefully and then pulled the covers over her. He would have loved nothing more than to get on the bed and crawl in next to her, but he didn't dare.

He was at war with himself in his head. He didn't want Bella to feel like he was overstepping his bounds uninvited if he hung around. But at the same time, he was worried about her. She was still sick, clearly exhausted and pale from everything. He wanted to take care of her and make sure she was okay.

_Damnit. What do I do? Whatever. Bella can hate me and kick me out if she wants to. At least I'll be here if she needs something._

Jake undid the top couple of buttons on his shirt and loosened the collar. He settled into a chair on the other side of the nightstand which was no easy thing to do considering how tall he was. He stretched his legs out, glad Bella had thought to get a matching ottoman. He had fallen asleep after awhile and was awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of coughing. Bella had sat up and sounded like she was hacking out a lung.

"Bella, are you alright?" he said, sleep still clouding his mind.

She stopped but then started coughing again. He fumbled around in the dark and went to the bathroom to find a cup of water. He came back, sitting next to her on the bed and helped her hold it up. She slowly sipped on it and then managed to croak out a _thanks_ before starting to cough again. She took a ragged breath and then slumped into his side, exhausted from the effort.

It was dark, but moonlight was shining in through the curtains. It faintly illuminated the room, and he could see that she was looking up at him. Her voice was a little coarse.

"Jake, why are you here?" she wondered. He frowned.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'll go. I must have passed out. I only meant to stay a little while, just to make sure you were okay. I wanted to be around in case you woke up and needed something…" he was apologizing. She put her hand on his arm.

"Please don't go. I like that you're here. I can't believe you would do that for me."

"Of course. I would do anything."

They were both quiet for a minute. She tugged on his legs and he moved them over, coming closer to the middle of the bed and leaning back against the headboard. She moved a little and then rested her head down on his chest, half throwing an arm around him. It was comfortable, just being next to him like this. After awhile he rested the side of his face on top of her head and stroked her arm. Eventually they both drifted off back to sleep. It was the most peaceful Bella had ever felt.


	12. I Couldn't

A/N: I am still reading all of your reviews, and I do appreciate them – even the criticisms. To the one guest who reviewed chapter 1, yes, I agree with you. Edward was controlling and Bella was selfish. I agree she never called out Edward on his BS in the books either and I never liked that. Bella was an inherently weak character, but Jacob always had the sense to call her out on it - even if she didn't listen. Ideally after Edward left, that should have been it between them, but it didn't work out like that. I don't like how SM made her weak, foolish, stupid, or selfish. But I'm also willing to permit Bella to have made a mistake. All of us, at some point in our lives, have been one of those things and have made the wrong decision and didn't realize it until much later when the consequences and finality of the decision have set in. If you're trying to say that Bella doesn't deserve Jacob, perhaps you are right about that too. But in my head, I believe Jacob is the kind of character that had hope in her and loved her enough to still want her even after everything was said and done.

Chapter 12: I Couldn't

Companion Song: Centennial by Tokyo Police Club

This is skin

You can wrap all of your arms and legs in

An address that you know

An envelope unfolds

I'm running to catch up to the old VW

They're leaning out the back

You've never heard of fiction

You've never heard of fact

Way back when

We met cause my parents

Knew your parents

Steady hands, easy friends

(Lyrics are copyright of Tokyo Police Club)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Between fatigue and the calmness, Bella slept for hours and hours. When she woke up finally, she was alone in bed. The realization made her open her eyes with a start. She sat up and her hair fell out of the hair elastic around her shoulders all curly. When she ripped off the covers it made her evening clutch go skidding off the nightstand and onto the floor where it landed with a small thud. Getting out of bed, she tripped on her shoes as she was putting her feet on the floor and landed with a small thud herself.

"Do you get up like that every morning?" Jacob asked her, walking into the room with an amused face. Bella was relieved enough to see that he was still there that she felt her sense of sarcasm leaking out before she could do anything about it. She smiled sweetly at him.

"You know, it's been awhile since I've _had_ to get up."

The look of amusement faded off of his face. He looked sad and Bella instantly wished she hadn't said that. But a minute later he looked like his old self again and then smiled the same smile she had come to know so long ago in his garage.

"It's good to know the old Bella is _completely_ intact. I don't know what I would do if you were too nice to me after everything I've done, anyways."

It was her turn to look sad now. He offered her a hand to get up out of the tangle of sheets and shoes on the floor. She noticed he wasn't wearing his dress clothes anymore. He was freshly showered and wearing jeans and a t shirt. He reached over to wind one of her curls around his finger.

_He looks so damn attractive. Ughhhh_ she thought, looking down at her wrinkled dress.

"I want to shower." She told him.

"Don't take too long, okay?" he said. "I made breakfast." And then he walked towards the kitchen.

She started to undress and noticed a note he had left on the nightstand.

_Hey Bells – I went home to shower and change. I figured I'd check in on the pack and make sure they didn't do anything too stupid while Sam is away. You know how they can be…anyways, I shouldn't be gone long. Jake_

After all the sleep, Bella was feeling much better. She was still a little tired but her appetite had come back and she was looking forward to breakfast. She coughed while in the shower but the steam seemed to help. The hot water and feeling of being clean made her a lot more ready to face whatever was ahead.

Bella thought about what Jacob had said, _after everything I've done_. What could he mean by that? She didn't know what he had to feel guilty about. Everything was her fault. Maybe he was still upset over having been away so long. She didn't even care about that right now. He was here and that's what mattered.

Bella got out of the shower and dried her hair. She considered carefully what to wear. There were endless possibilities waiting for her in the closet. _Damnit Alice_. She wanted to look as much like her old self as possible. Although tight, she did still have jeans. She put them on and did appreciate that they made her butt look pretty good. _Alright Alice, damn you a little less_. She picked out a white cami and a nice gray wrap sweater that tied in the back. She found a pair of dark brown flats and headed into the kitchen where she could smell eggs. Right as Bella walked into the room, Jake caught some toast that had popped right up from the toaster.

"I didn't promise it was fancy." he half apologized, setting an omelet, toast, and some bacon in front of her.

"I've never wanted fancy." she countered, giving him a meaningful stare. He returned her gaze. It was a loaded moment for both of them. There were a lot of things he wanted to say right now, but didn't want to argue with her if that's where it was going to lead. Instead, he fought the inclination and told her she should eat.

"You didn't have to do this, thank you." She ate in silence and thought about what she wanted to say. "Thank you for staying, too."

"I said I wouldn't disappear, right? I meant it. I know that's probably not what you've come to expect after everything." She stood up and walked over to him. She couldn't have him blaming himself for anything, whatever he thought he might be responsible for.

"Jake, I have no right to expect _anything_ from you. Nobody knows that more than I do."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. I made a promise to you. I broke that promise, once again."

"You didn't promise to watch me die. You didn't promise to watch me throw my life away for someone that's never even trusted me to make decisions for myself. You didn't promise me that you would stay around and watch me fuck up the rest of eternity, thinking that would work out, too."

She turned around, angry. She hated herself so much right at that very moment she couldn't even look at him anymore. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around. He was still holding on to her, as he spoke.

"Maybe. But I promised I would wait for you, that I would want you. Remember, until your heart stopped beating." Angry tears spilled out from her eyes. She could see right into his soul through his deep brown eyes. He was every bit as genuine as he sounded.

She felt absolutely inadequate in comparison to someone else again, but for totally different reasons. Edward always made her feel like she couldn't live up to his high moral standards and expectations. She was painfully and clumsily out of place in his graceful world of perfection. The pedestal he put her on felt like it was cracking underneath the weight of who she really was, rather than who she should be for him.

Here with Jake, she felt as if she would never deserve him either. He had given her all of the respect from the start. He had always told her the truth because he wanted her to make an informed decision, even when he disagreed with what she was doing. He didn't pretend with her, and he was painfully honest and angry and he always let her know it. Jacob wanted her exactly as she was. She wouldn't ever have to become someone or something else. She was beautiful to him _because_ of her flaws. Every time, and it was time and time again, he risked his life to give her the opportunity to see for herself what was really going on. And of course, she was too stupid and too blind to see it.

Inadequate didn't even begin to sum up her feelings now.

"I had no right to ever expect that from you." She echoed herself and tried to turn away from him again, but he held her in place.

"Bella, I said that and I meant it. I meant it with everything I am." He took his thumb and wiped away one of her tears. "I know I was angrier then. I'm sure you thought I ran away because I was angry at you."

She nodded, still at a loss for words with all the emotions that were simultaneously going on. He dropped his hands to her waist now.

"I had plenty of time to be angry at you before that. I was. Trust me, I spent countless hours angry with you and the fact that you chose that monster. That you would choose to _be_ a monster."

She closed her eyes. Yes, she deserved this. She deserved to hear about all of this. She deserved to hear about every last thing she had put him through. She deserved to have him absolutely scream at her for all of her mistakes.

"It wasn't because you didn't choose _me_." he concluded quietly. That made Bella stare into his eyes again. He took his thumb and wiped away another tear.

"You were right Jake. You always were. I just didn't know it until it was too late." she almost whispered.

"Bella…I wasn't right about everything." He dropped his hands down to his side now.

"I didn't run away because I was mad at you. I didn't run away because I didn't want you. I ran away because I couldn't live with myself."

Bella was in utter shock. Nothing he said made any sense, it wasn't registering. She put a hand on the counter to steady herself. _What…_was all that escaped her lips. He looked away but she could still see he was really conflicted. The silence was deafening, it seemed.

"I was selfish…" Bella cut him off with a loud _NO_. He shook his head at her and continued. "In the end, it was me. All me. I'm the one that told Edward he could do it." His shoulders drooped, as if from the weight of the events that were on his mind.

"That doesn't mean anything. I'M the one who let it get this far." She said, tears finally stopping. She was determined to somehow make him see he was not to blame for anything that had happened. "I AM." He now put his hands on her face, returning her determination in a voice that boomed loudly.

"NO. I was the one that had the power to stop this once and for all in the end. And I didn't, I couldn't. I was too selfish." He stopped, searching her eyes. He sighed, coming to speak softly now.

"I couldn't stand the idea of you…of you being dead." She moved closer to him, without even realizing it.

The moment was feeling electric in its intensity. His face was now just an inch away from hers. She caught her breath, unable to stop herself from thinking about his penetrating gaze and the way his hands felt on her. The irony of him speaking about death and the ways in which she was feeling very, very alive right now were not lost on her. This was new.

This was definitely nothing like anything she had ever experienced before. The smell of Edward may have lured her in and also rendered her senseless, like a poison that kills the nerves so you can't feel what's happening. The coldness of him seemed to deaden her body and mind from the pain she could expect if she ever lost control.

But Jacob…Jacob set every nerve in her body on fire. The heat she could feel through his hands traveled from her face into her chest. She was starting to feel warm everywhere. It was a fire that had started to slowly burn when he first put his hands on her and then quickly intensified. She blushed, knowing he must be able to feel the effect he was having on her. It took everything she had not to act on any of the things going through her mind. And then it became impossible.

Bella wondered what he must be thinking, seeing her like this. He wrapped his arms firmly around her.

"I couldn't give you up." He admitted, whispering down into her ear. She was willing herself not to move, not to betray exactly what she was thinking about. She was happy enough with this, even if this was all she ever got. It was more than she ever expected or deserved to get.

"I couldn't." he repeated, this time moving from her ear all the way down her neck, kissing slowly as he went.


	13. This Was Heaven

Chapter 13: This Was Heaven

Companion Song: Vegas by All Time Low

I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been

We get high, we let go

We've got more than we know

My friends are a different breed

My friends are everything

Make this last, take it slow

We've got it all figured out for now

So let us live our lives without a doubt

Tonight we lie awake

Remember how the coffee made us shake on those long drives?

One more long night

Another seven days

Heartbeat racing

The interstate, my home tonight

For one more long night

(Lyrics are copyright of All Time Low)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

_Is this actually happening right now_? That was the only coherent thought Bella could form. The feel of his lips on her neck made it really hard to think about anything.

"Jake…n-n-n…uhhh…no" she mumbled. He stopped. He turned to look at her and to her surprise he was grinning.

"That didn't sound like a real protest." He raised an eyebrow.

"Ummm it is." Bella sounded really unconvincing, especially to herself.

"And here I thought I was having an effect on you." He only grinned wider. Was it possible she had even missed his cocky arrogance?

"Gahhh it is. It isn't." she covered her eyes. "I don't know." She didn't dare look at him because she knew it would be all over. "It isn't _that_. It's just…I don't want you to…I don't want you to do anything thinking that you're somehow to blame." She was screaming at herself in her mind. Of course she wanted nothing more than to see wherever _that_ was going. But at the same time, she knew she had to stand up for something she was certain about and that was more important right now than anything she wanted.

"I am the one who fucked up. Every single time. You shouldn't even be here. You weren't supposed to come back to this mess. You weren't supposed to come back."

"But I did."

"I don't know why." She paused. "No, I do know why. It's because you feel guilty." He pulled her hands away from her face.

"It's not because I feel guilty." He was serious now. She scowled at him, clearly not believing it. He moved in closer again, pulling her by the hips. Bella wanted to protest but knew her body was still more in control than her mind. He lifted her and put her down so that she was sitting on the countertop. Their eyes were level now, and he looked straight into hers.

"It's because I love you."

All of the anger, the pain, the worry, the nervousness, it was all there is his eyes. She knew he had been going through hell while he was gone, just as she had been. They had both been miserable, blaming not each other but only themselves. And here they were at a crossroads once again. He moved his hands and rested them on her thighs.

And as much as I want this…" he squeezed her thighs and then moved his hands to her face "and this…I want you to want it. I want you to be able to choose for yourself this time. No life or death, no one yelling at you, no one trying to tear you apart. It doesn't matter what I want." He kissed her forehead.

"You don't have to explain anything to me. You don't have to apologize. I've seen what you said to Seth all of these months. I know how many times you've cried on his shoulder, thinking you were the only one who had a hand in all of this. Whoever let things get to where they ended up…I guess it doesn't matter now." He stepped back.

"Bella, I saw you while you were still a vampire, out in the woods. Maybe I was crazy, everyone else told me I was. But even then I knew I loved you. I knew I would love you no matter what you were. Wolf-girl, vampire-girl, or a girl who wanted nothing to do with any of this crazy supernatural shit."

Bella couldn't even believe what she was hearing. She had no words. As usual, she was rendered dumbfounded and silent by the sacrifices other people made for her when she didn't feel she had earned any of it.

"I'll say it again, as many times as I need to until you believe me - I didn't come back because I hated _myself_, not you. I didn't want to screw up any kind of life you could have had, any kind of happiness – even if it was with him. I am the one who ultimately sentenced you to that life, no matter what you say. I couldn't forgive myself for it, and I don't think you should either. What right would I have had, anyways?"

His gaze was especially intense. He was pouring out his soul, everything that had happened in the last almost two years. He wanted her to really understand.

"No. I wanted to stay away and give you a chance. I didn't want to tell you how much I loved you, tear out of your life, and then come waltzing back in like nothing ever happened. I couldn't do that."

The implications of that statement might have ripped into Bella, leaving even bigger gaping holes in the person she had once been. But that understanding, that healing that Jacob had brought back into her life and into her soul – it didn't hurt anymore. They both knew how much that day out in the woods had come to define her. She wasn't that broken girl any longer. She had let go of Edward and let go of that fear.

He wasn't trying to hurt her at all. Rather, he was trying to tell her that he would never hurt her, no matter how much it was killing him.

Bella knew. She absolutely knew. It wasn't as if she hadn't known before, but right here in this moment she knew she loved him more than anything. She was finally ready to admit it. She was ready to admit it to herself and to him. He knew she loved him before she even knew it herself. He had told her he would wait forever, until Bella was ready. And so much had happened, so much.

She was feeling beyond nervous, sick almost, but in a good way. It was the anxious rush of blood that came from knowing you had so much to lose but you didn't care. She reached her hands out towards him. She was giddy with the realization, as it finally hit her full force after all of these years. He took her hands, sensing something big was about to happen.

"Jake?"

"Yes?" he was cautious, still serious from the weight of his words.

"I love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts." She was smiling like an idiot. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, to deserve this. But I love you. I've always known that and I don't know why it's taken me this long to be able to say it."

She couldn't quite figure out which emotion was playing out behind his eyes, but she could see that he was smiling now too. He kissed her forehead, this time very gently. It was as if he didn't want to break this, to disturb this moment in any way. She pulled him forward in between her legs. She could easily get carried away with him so close like this, but fought the temptation again. Instead, she buried her face in his chest as he put his arms around her once more. She could stay like this forever.

"Bella?"_ Hmmm_ she mumbled into his shirt, not willing to let go yet.

"I love you too."

It was the first time they had ever been able to say it to each other, no strings attached. She didn't have to worry about who it might hurt, who might find out. She was free and clear to choose whatever she wanted, and she chose Jacob. There wasn't any doubt about it this time.

She spent the next few days in peaceful happiness. Life was ordinary, and she couldn't have asked for anything more. She was feeling better and just like herself again. She even welcomed all of the constant needs of the human condition. Things that would have once annoyed her no longer bothered her. They were reminders of the chance she had been given once again, by some miracle. She was lucky enough not only to live, but to have something to really live for. It was a comfortable state of being.

Her mind wandered back to the night she had told him she loved him more than a few times. She wanted nothing more than to absolutely be all over him, feel his hands on her body and his whisper in her ear again. As intoxicating as that feeling had been, she didn't mind that they were getting to know each other again first. A lot had transpired in those two years.

It had been two weeks and Jake had been going back and forth between his house on the rez and her apartment in Forks. They had been spending a lot of time with each other, but she didn't want to push it. Remembering what it had been like having Edward smother her each morning and night, she didn't want to be the person to beg him to stay. She knew he had things to take care of with the pack, he had other interests. He had been working a lot in his garage lately and had started to talk about wanting to open his own some day. It was nice to be able to talk about the future with him.

One day they were sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"Okay, now don't be mad at me. This wasn't my idea, but…" the phrasing of his sentence told Bella he was up to no good. He was wearing that same mischievous grin Seth had been wearing the last time she saw him.

"Jake?"

"Seth may have planned you a birthday party."

"What?! Why would you let him do that?" Bella was not amused. "You know I hate parties." She frowned with extra emphasis.

"Yup, I know. That's why I told him the more people the better." He was chuckling. "I like to see you mad, you know."

"And why is that?" she crossed her arms and sat up. He continued to chuckle and she stuck out her lower lip.

"Because you're so damn sexy when you get like that." Bella blushed but continued to pout.

"Jacob Black, I don't like you."

"I think I can change your mind." He stopped smiling and gave her a serious face, the corners of his eyes still touched with humor.

"I highly doubt that." She playfully tossed the remote at his head and he ducked. He pushed her down on her back.

"C'mon now, you haven't even given me a chance to prove it.' He said, moving her arms above her head holding them there with one hand. The other hand traced up the leg of her jeans, stopping when it hit her waist. She bit her lip, knowing full well where this was going.

"Do you like me yet?" he was teasing her. She shook her head no, smiling.

She took in his dark hair, and the stubble he was once again letting grow on his chin. The way his muscular chest and arms looked through his shirt was enough to make her want to drool. He was definitely sexy.

"Jeez Bella, quit undressing me with your eyes already. That's not the first time you've done that this week. A man needs his dignity." She kicked him with her free leg.

"I mean, I know I'm gorgeous. I guess I can't fault you too much." He was trying not to smile. She turned her head away from him amused and annoyed at him at the same time.

"Oh good, easy access."

He pressed his body on top of hers and began to kiss her neck like he had before, only stopping to nibble on her ear. She squirmed underneath him, feeling really turned on. He knew it, too. He released her hands and this time went for her lips. The same feeling of electricity was back as he put one arm behind her back and another hand behind her head. She didn't know which one of them started kissing first but decided it wasn't important as he positioned himself between her legs.

Her fingers wound through his hair, only breaking contact when he slipped his shirt off over his head. Bella had seen him shirtless many times before. She had seen all of the pack shirtless before. They were probably shirtless more than half of the time she saw them. But this was different. This time, it was for her. It wasn't a thing of convenience. It was one step closer to being totally naked.

He slipped a hand under her shirt and pulled it up over her head, throwing it in the same general direction. _Wow_ he mumbled to himself.

"There is nothing wow about me." she said rolling her eyes.

"I disagree." he said appreciatively. His eyes roamed up and down, he was thoughtful.

"Bells, you're beautiful because you're mine." He cupped a hand to her cheek.

And with that, he didn't try to hide his lust anymore. He reached back and unhooked her bra. Bella couldn't help but feel self conscious, but it was soon forgotten as his hot breath was on her chest. Both of his hands found her breasts, kneading them slowly. He spent some time kissing them all over and then moving back up to kiss her mouth. She bit down on his lower lip and knew she had found what got to him the most.

He was instantly more tense. She smiled to herself, knowing she was going to do that again later at the right time. He flipped to his side, taking her with him. They were facing each other now. He went in for another kiss and then began to unbutton her jeans, slipping a hand inside her panties. The look in her eyes was enough to send him over the edge right then. He played around for a minute or two, teasing her again. He enjoyed watching her move around, reacting to his touch.

She stared him down, letting him know two could play at that game. She ran a hand up his leg painfully slow, stopping right before the bulge in his pants.

"Damnit Bells" he complained playfully. "You win." She moved her hand up and down, grabbing him through his jeans. He put his hands on her waist, pulling down everything until it was all the way off.

"Ohhh _my_ God." The way he said it made all of her worries melt away. She was exposed, exposed like she had never been before. But she was finally at a place where she could feel comfortable with him. After baring her soul with him about everything over the last few weeks, what was showing him her body in comparison? It was like the last piece of the puzzle.

He ran a hand up her thigh, and then moved to get in between her legs again. He pushed her knees up, and started to kiss her, letting his tongue roam the inside of her mouth. He broke the kiss after a minute, and moved back. She could feel his tongue, this time starting around her navel and moving down ever so slowly. The torture of anticipation was too much. And suddenly his tongue was inside of her. She gasped with the shock of how good it felt. He squeezed her ass with both of his hands. He was enjoying himself, watching her as he worked. She was getting sweaty and fidgety, and worked up.

He wanted to keep driving her crazy, but couldn't help himself. He stood up and kicked off his jeans. Bella was looking at every last bit of his perfect body. Seeing him totally naked and ready for her sent a buzzing feeling throughout all of her limbs. She needed to feel him now. He moved in, pausing to kiss the inside of her legs along the way. He positioned himself, and then slipped inside of her. They both closed their eyes with the feeling of it. _Ohhh my fucking God_ he mumbled into her shoulder. He began to thrust, gently at first and then harder. He put a hand behind her head, tugging on her hair. It sent chills all the way from her spine down to her feet. This was heaven.

He kissed her over and over, and then buried his head in her neck gasping for air. He was sweaty now too, hair sticking down to the top of his head. Bella dug her nails into his back, making him move faster. She arced her hips up, her body feeling intense pleasure as he went deeper. Jacob looked like somebody else entirely. He was lost in his head, her body, the amazing way it felt being inside of her. He had wanted her so badly and couldn't think about anything else anymore.

Bella whispered _I love you, I love you_ into his ear in a breathy voice. She held his gaze, looking up at him through her eyelashes. It was too much for him to hold out anymore. She leaned in and bit down on his lip, sucking it between her teeth. She bit down harder as she lost it, her back arching up in response. He tensed up, unconsciously grabbing onto her hip and squeezing it in rhythm with his release. He slowly eased his grip, head falling on to her chest. They were both absolutely spent from the intensity of what had just happened.

Both were still and quiet. Neither wanted this moment to end. He sighed.

"Bells…that was…fucking amazing." was all he could manage. Her face felt warm and flushed. She squeezed his hand. The bliss of it all made her forget about every night she had spent angry and alone, wishing for moments like this. She didn't have to wish anymore.


	14. Just a Partycrasher

Chapter 14: Just a Partycrasher

Companion Song: Blue Orchid by The White Stripes

You got a reaction

You got a reaction, didn't you?

You took a white orchid

You took a white orchid turned it blue

Something better than nothing

Something better than nothing, it's giving up

We all need to do something

Try to keep the truth from showing up

How dare you

How old are you now, anyway?

How dare you

How old are you now, anyway?

(Lyrics are copyright of The White Stripes)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Bella and Jacob had been together several more times since that first time. Each time was as good as the last. They had begun to know what made each other tick and how to tease the other person until they were begging for relief. Jacob always seemed most attracted to her after spending the night. He would wake up and smile seeing her beside him. He could be slow and gentle, like they had all of the time in the world. And other times, it was like he couldn't get enough of her fast enough.

Bella had been enjoying the physical aspect of their relationship, or whatever it was they had going. It was the aspect that had never been allowed to exist before now. All of the tension, the anger, and the longing of the past could be settled by the freedom they had to let it out.

The happiness leaked into all parts of Bella's life. She had visited with Charlie several times, going out to the diner for dinner with him just like in the old days. He had noticed a difference in her appearance again and had asked "Need to know?" before Bella shook her head at him and told him he didn't need to worry about anything. He was smart enough to know by now there were things he wouldn't understand and to leave it at that.

"It isn't just the way you look Bells. You seem happier." He had remarked, looking relieved.

"I am, Dad. All this time…I finally came to my senses. Edward and I got a divorce." He had spit his coke out on the table and all over his shirt.

"Really?" he asked, trying not to sound happy. "Hmmmm. Well, it's important to follow your heart." Charlie had been in a good mood ever since then and they promised to see each other again soon. She really had missed him.

Bella made other plans too. Jake had been discussing the logistics of having a shop with Embry. They both were pretty mechanical, and looking forward to the prospect of making money doing what they spent a great deal of time on anyways. Bella remembered them talking about it in detail once, on one of the two times she had been on the rez since the wedding when everything started. She was happy things were happening for Jake. He had given away too much of his time and life to her already and he deserved a real future.

In the meantime, Bella had gotten more used to the idea of a big party. She wasn't excited, but did admit it would be nice to really see everyone again. Seth had told her there would be a huge bonfire and that even Sam and Emily would be there, finally back from a month long honeymoon in Greece. Bella liked Emily, and was looking forward to having a chat. She was somewhat nervous, wondering if they all would really accept her. Jake hadn't been the only one she hurt in her wake of disaster.

The night of the bonfire came and Jake picked her up, reassuring her that she had nothing to worry about.

"They know we're together, that's all that matters. They respect that I can make my own choices – bottom line. They have always liked you Bella."

Bella was greeted by smiles and cheers from everyone. _Looking good Bella!_ came from the right of her, followed by catcalls. Bella blushed in response.

"Now what kind of friends would we be if we didn't celebrate your return to the exciting world of being human without embarrassing you first?" It was Quil.

Bella noticed a few empty bottles behind the logs that Quil, Embry, Seth, and Collin were sitting on. Seth kicked them noisily out of sight with his foot and smiled.

_Teenage wolves_ Bella thought, internally rolling her eyes.

"You know Bella, you're late and someone had to start the party without you." He wagged a finger at her.

"Sorry Seth, can you forgive me?" she asked shaking her head and coming over to hug him.

"I'll think about it." He hugged her back and pulled out a present from behind him. It was an oddly shaped box, wrapped in green paper. There was a hole torn in the top of it. She eyed him quizzically. He shrugged his shoulders, not giving anything away. _Becareful_, he warned her.

She opened the box, cautiously peeling down the paper from the top. She felt something grab her hand. She jumped back, almost dropping the box in the process. Some of the guys had started to chuckle. She looked at Seth, who shrugged his shoulders again and grinned, telling her to keep opening it.

"Seth Clearwater, you did not get me a _kitten_!" she said in disbelief.

"I may have…" he said. "and there's nothing you can do about it. Ha."

Bella noticed she was a little orange kitten with tabby stripes. Seth had put a little pink collar and a bow on her. She meowed at Bella, staring with her big kitten eyes. Bella cradled her in one arm and saw that Seth had attached something else to the box. It was a book.

It was the same book Bella had told him was her favorite as a kid. She remembered telling him one night that as a little girl she had always wanted a cat just like the orange one in the story. Renee was allergic though, and that was the end of her childish wish. Bella looked down, noticing the nameplate said _Bailey_ just like the cat on the cover.

"You're too much, Seth. Really." And she walked over, whacking him with her free arm. Bailey meowed in protest to the impact. They both laughed and Bella zipped her hoodie up around the kitten, putting an arm underneath her as she popped her ears and head out of the top. Bella scratched her ears with two fingers and she purred. Bella smiled, enamored with her new gift.

"Damnit Seth, I'm allergic to cats." Jake griped at him.

"Oh, really?" Seth tried to sound innocent. "Sorry, Jake." Bella had to stifle a giggle as he winked behind Jake's back. Jake turned his head to scowl at him but Seth had already faced away and started pretending like he was talking to someone.

Bella listened to the sounds of chatter going on around her. There were a lot of people talking, laughter peeling out here and there. The bonfire was warm and seemed to crackle in response to the party going on around it. The raucous sounds of bottles clinking, dirty jokes, and music went late into the night. She chatted with Emily, asking her all about Greece and how married life was suiting her. She heard about the beautiful sights, the details of every place, and the wonderful food. Evidently Bailey didn't find Emily's account very interesting, and had closed her eyes and fallen asleep against Bella's chest. The little bit of warmth the kitten gave off in her arms next to her body was nice.

She was enjoying herself on a birthday for once. That was until a younger boy, Bella remembered it was Brady – one of the newer members of the wolf pack – stumbled into the clearing by the beach from behind a few trees. He looked worried. He looked around, trying to spot someone. Sam had noticed his appearance and walked over to him. People turned their heads but went back to doing what they had been doing before. Bella wondered what they could be talking about.

Collin and Quil continued a loud argument about a girl. Seth chimed in and they were all laughing. Quil tried to look mad but he was saying _okay, okay_, good-naturedly.

"You know, they debated about whether to actually have a dance the year after that."

_Psssh_ Quil said in response, knocking Seth off the log.

_Idiots _Jake muttered, chuckling at their antics and dodging Quil's shove from the other side. It was nice to see Jake carefree and having fun. This felt like home, next to everyone that had been an important part of her life in some way.

"Jake?" it was Sam's voice cutting through their conversation. Jake walked over to where Sam and Brady were standing. He was there for a few minutes, deeply in conversation as he turned his head to look at Bella, and then back at Sam, still talking.

Jacob walked back over to Bella, slipping his arms around her waist from behind.

_I have to go honey, I'm sorry_ he apologized quietly into her ear with a low voice.

"We're leaving?" she asked him. "What's going on?"

"You're not leaving, just me. Nothing's going on. Brady's just being a party crasher. There's something Sam wants me and Paul to help him with. You know he hasn't been doing this as long as the rest of us." He was still talking quietly. Bella watched Sam return to Emily's side.

"It's getting kind of late. Why don't you go stay over at Emily and Sam's for the night? This might take a little while, okay? Sorry I have to leave like this. I'll make it up to you." He promised.

"Enjoy yourself Bells, it's _your _party." He said kissing her neck and walking over to Seth. Jake quickly mumbled something to him and then disappeared with Paul and Brady. Bella was anxious and it showed in her face.

"What, no kiss for me?" Seth called after him, pretending to look hurt. She shook her head at him but felt more at ease. Seth yawned and walked over to Bella, putting an arm around her. _It can't be that big of a deal then_ she thought, watching Seth.

"What say we go to bed now?" he said in a loud voice and cocked his eyebrow. Bella could still smell the whiskey, even though he had quit an hour ago.

"We?"

"Yes, _we_." He flashed his winning smile, hoping he looked convincing and pulled her up to her feet. He walked her over to Emily and Sam. "Jake was a real downer for this swinging party anyways." he kidded her, hoping to make her forget about him leaving.

"Soooo…I heard Bella was crashing at your house for the night."

"Seth, I really don't want to invite myself over. I don't live that far away." she protested, feeling embarrassed.

"Nonsense. I have been looking for an excuse to break out my new guest towels anyway." Emily said, pushing Seth's arm off and replacing it with her own. She took one whiff of Seth and frowned at him. _That is some potent stuff_ she remarked, shaking her head.

"We'd be glad to have you, Bella." Sam reassured her.

Bella and Emily got a headstart and Sam and Seth walked behind them. They left and walked towards the house. Bella looked back and noticed the party was breaking up anyways. It had been a good night. She was bummed Jake had to leave but figured she'd make the most of things. She said goodnight to Seth and walked down the hall where Emily was beckoning.

Emily let her borrow some pajamas and found some extra pillows for her. She made a nest with a blanket on the other side of the bed and Bella unzipped her sweatshirt putting Bailey in the middle. The kitten opened her eyes for a second but was too drowsy to stay awake and went right back to sleep. Emily told her she would see her in the morning and said goodnight, closing the door behind her. Bella was pretty tired herself, and pulled the covers up to her neck. She was feeling sleepy, but heard the sound of muffled voices coming from the front room that kept her from totally nodding off.

"Seth, you're drunk."

"I am _not_ drunk." He answered, protesting.

"Shhhhh! Lower your voice." It was Sam.

"Yeah Seth, stay here. We refuse to admit how great your wolf skills and physical prowess really are, no matter how well you've proven otherwise. We will relegate you to a desk job your entire life. We…" Seth's voice was clearly mocking Sam.

She heard a Shhhh cutting him off again and more muffled voices she couldn't make out, followed by him saying _FINE_ and the sound of a door closing. Bella closed her eyes, smiling. Sometimes Seth reminded her so much of Jake. She thought about Jake, missing him and the heat he would have radiated from the other side of the bed. She fell asleep and then woke up early the next morning. She had tossed and turned and had weird dreams all night. She decided it was time to get up anyways and venture out. Emily and Sam were already in the kitchen, having breakfast. They offered her some waffles, which smelled delicious. She took two and sat down to pour syrup all over them. Seth walked in the door, along with Quil. They both looked sleepy.

"You look like you could use some coffee." Bella said to them, passing the waffles over as they sat down next to her at the table. Sam looked at the two of them warily but said nothing. He returned to reading a newspaper.

"So do you." Seth remarked. He sleepily smirked at Bella and got up to put the coffee maker on. He was leaning on the counter, head on his arms.

After a minute Sam nonchalantly asked them _How did things go_? from behind the front page. _Fine_ they both mumbled in response. Emily got up to start making more batter and plugged the waffle iron back in.

"I guess I _am_ tired." Bella admitted. Seth had taken his coffee straight from the pot, totally black.

"They tell me this is great for hangovers." he said dryly, looking in Sam's direction. He sipped some more down and then poured another cup, handing it over to Bella. Bella thanked him and then put the cup up to her lips. She smelled it and wrinkled her nose, putting it back down. _Ughhh_ she said, pushing her plate back too. She was in no mood to eat anymore. The strong smell of the coffee made her feel nauseous.

"Hey, I make great coffee." Seth said, giving her a face. _No you don't_ Quil muttered, slyly giving Bella a smile when Seth wasn't looking.

Bella cleaned up her dishes, thanking Sam and Emily for their hospitality and telling everyone she was going to head home. Sam stole a look at Seth behind the paper where Bella couldn't see. They all said goodbye and she grabbed the keys to Jake's car, going back to pick up Bailey and zipping her in her hoodie once more. Bailey meowed, clearly hungry. Bella figured at some point in the day she would see Jake, so she might as well get some of her errands done and the first one on her list was to go to the pet store and pick up supplies.

She dropped Bailey off at the apartment and went about getting what she needed in town. She was gone for awhile, and checked her cellphone when she got back. Nothing. Bella set about cleaning up and putting away the dishes when her phone finally rang. It was Jake.

_Hey Bells._

_Where have you been?_

_I was around Forks for awhile last night, but I had to go up north a little. We're still here now. You aren't missing much in the middle of this bro-fest. Paul smells pretty rank anyhow._

_Great._

_Yeah, just adds to the fun._

_What are you guys doing anyways?_

_We're just doing Sam a favor. Last night when Brady was on patrol he…thought there was a problem on our northern border. We came back to check things out with him but there's nothing here now. You'll probably see me tomorrow. I miss you._

_I miss you too. I love you._

_I love you too. Bye._

Bella wished she had told him to be careful. She couldn't shake the feeling that something else was going on. All of a sudden, she felt very sick. The lurking anxiety was enough to give her a headache.

"Bella!" she heard Seth call from the other side of the door, followed by his knock. She opened it up and let him in.

"You don't have to knock, you know." she said, going to sit down on the couch and hoping it would help.

"One of these days you're going to regret saying that." he said with a knowing smile.

"Shut up, Seth." she countered, wanting to smile back but still not feeling very well. She took a cleansing breath.

"So what's up?" she asked him.

"Well you know, I just figured I'd come to hang out and keep you company. I wanted to see how my fabulous present is liking her new home anyways."

"Ohhh, that's nice. Well, see for yourself." she pointed in one direction. Seth noticed Bailey curled up, entirely fitting into one of Jake's sneakers except for her tail that stuck out.

"Very nice." he said, walking over to the other side of the room and reaching a finger down to stroke her head.

A knock sounded at the door a few minutes later. Bella jumped up in surprise. She got up to open up the door and was even more surprised to see that it was Edward on the other side.

"Edward?" she noticed he had a large envelope in his hands. Seth stopped petting the cat and looked around Bella to see him there.

"Well, Bella...actually, I knocked on the door but I didn't expect you would be here. I figured they would have taken you to the reservation last night."

"I _was _there last night. You knew about my party?" she was kind of surprised.

"Party…" he said uncertainly, like that wasn't the right word. Bella noticed his hesitation. She turned around and stared at Seth who was looking Edward in the face. There was clearly a conversation going on that she wasn't a part of. _Hey!_ she half yelled at both of them.

"Right, your party. Yeah…I didn't know if you'd be back by now." He almost stumbled through the sentence. That was not like him at all.

"Anyways, I brought these and figured I would leave them for you, just in case you were here."

"What is it?" she said, narrowing her eyes at him.

"They're the divorce papers, love." he tried to keep his face clear but she could see he was upset. He looked her over carefully.

"Oh…well, thanks." she wasn't sure what else to say.

"Bella, I don't mean to be insulting, but you don't look so good. Are you feeling okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine." she lied, feeling a little dizzy. How is it that he always picked up on every little thing? As if betraying her confidence, her face flushed and then felt very warm. She reached out and took the envelope, setting it down on a counter. What felt like a really long minute of silence passed.

"So I guess you're leaving then?" it was Seth's voice from behind her.

_What the hell, Seth? Since when did he start giving orders?_ she thought and then looked between the two of them. Edward turned to leave but stopped when he heard her voice.

"Wait a minute, what is going on here?" she demanded from both of them.


	15. You Could be Dead

Chapter 15: You Could be Dead

Companion Song: If It Means A Lot to You by A Day to Remember

And hey darling,

I hope you're good tonight.

And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving.

Yeah, I want it but no, I don't need it.

Tell me something sweet to get me by,

'Cause I can't come back home till they're singing

La, la la la, la la la,

Till everyone is singing

If you can wait till I get home,

Then I swear to you that we can make this last.

(La la la)

If you can wait till I get home,

Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past.

Well it might be for the best.

And hey sweetie,

Well I need you here tonight,

And I know that you don't wanna be leaving me

Yeah, you want it, but I can't help it.

I just feel complete when you're by my side,

But I know you can't come home till they're singing

La, la la la, la la la.

Till everyone is singing.

(Lyrics are copyright of A Day to Remember)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

"What are you guys not telling me? Seriously?" Bella was starting to get really pissed off now.

She glared over at Seth, looking him up and down.

"I don't know what you're talking about." he shrugged at her. She wasn't getting anywhere with him. She walked over to Edward, turning the full power of her brown eyes on him. She could tell something was going on in his mind.

"You. What do you know?" she crossed her arms and stood tense in front of him.

Edward was at war with himself. The part of him that always wanted to protect her was arguing with another part that reminded him that Bella didn't want to be with him because of that. She couldn't stand that very instinct that always led him to lie or keep things from her for her own good. He could hear Seth's voice in his head, begging him to not say anything. He couldn't look into Bella's eyes anymore, knowing he wouldn't hold out much longer if he did.

"Are you kidding me?!" she shouted at both of them and went over to the kitchen sink, putting two hands on it to steady herself. She really was feeling like she could throw up. It worried the hell out of her, thinking about the seriousness of what would make neither of them willing to say anything. She glanced at Edward, this time she wasn't angry, only pleading. Things started clicking in her mind. He obviously had no idea what she was talking about when she mentioned the party.

_Why would he say he thought I would be on the rez? He was expecting me to be there…but why? They must be protecting me from something! What would Edward know about anything? Unless…unless it had something to do with vampires. Vampires – that doesn't seem like a big deal. The Cullens have a lot of friends._

Bella's mind kept clicking away, trying to figure it out. Something was definitely wrong about the situation. She thought about Jake's absence among all of this playing out in front of her.

_Obviously, this is not about any kind of friends. Whatever this is, it's a threat._

She now knew Jake was out there, dealing with it. Jake, Paul, Brady. Bella jerked her head back at Seth, remembering this morning. He and Quil had looked exhausted. So they were in on it, too. They must have been running patrols all night.

_What threat could be big enough to warrant all of this?_

Bella's mind went blank as she realized she knew what it was. One word escaped her lips: _Volturi_.

Bella gripped the edge of the sink as hard as she could but it didn't stop her from throwing her head down and finally throwing up into it. She now knew Seth wasn't here purely for a friendly call, either. He must have been sent to guard her since she had left the rez. That was what he was yelling about last night. He must have known what was going on and he wanted to join the fight.

"Oh my God, you knew about this!" she accused Seth, still hanging over the sink and looking very pale. "Ohhhh my God. I can't even believe this is happening right now."

Her knees had started to give out from underneath her and she was slipping. She felt too sick to even move an inch. The room was spinning out of control and she shut her eyes tightly, trying to block everything out. The wave of panic that gripped her mind refused to ebb away. She faintly heard footsteps as she felt her head smack something and that was the last thing she heard.

After a few minutes, she could hear the sounds of voices talking, but couldn't understand what they were saying. It was as if someone had the volume on the radio turned down. She felt a cool hand on her cheek. The difference in temperature to the sweaty mess she felt like made her mind start to wake up. There was a stabbing pain on one side of her head. The voices sounded louder this time. Her eyes fluttered open slowly and she realized she was on the couch. Edward was kneeling on the floor up by her face and Seth was on the other end of the couch holding her legs on top of a pillow. They stopped talking, noticing she was awake. Edward moved his hand to where the pain was radiating from. Bella winced and he apologized. He brushed some hair back from her face as Seth gently squeezed one of her legs and spoke.

"Bella, don't worry. We can handle this. We already took one of them out last night up to the north." He looked a little guilty, but sounded confident in his words.

"You took out _one_ of them?" it was Edward, confused and clearly not in agreement with Seth's confidence.

"Yeah. A young one, actually. We're waiting to see how far away the rest of them are."

"How young?" Edward asked him, a disbelieving expression starting to cross his features.

"I don't know, I only saw it through everyone else's eyes. It was one of their kids or something. It looked like maybe 3 or 4 years old? Super creepy but almost kind of cute in a way. That's some twisted shit. I've never seen you guys as kids before." he was speaking to Edward this time.

"Seth, the Volturi don't have kids. We can't be kids." He paused. "Now I know why they're coming, though. I had a feeling it wasn't specifically to check up on Bella just yet."

"What?" Bella and Seth both said at the same time.

"Do you remember what Jasper told you about his life before he was part of my family?" he asked Bella. She nodded her head yes. "He controlled all sorts of newborns in Maria's army, remember?". She nodded yes again.

"Different factions of vampires were warring with each other all the time. Maria was just one of many vampires that had an army. They were fighting over many things, including the rights to hunting grounds." At that statement, Seth made a face but he kept his comment to himself and listened.

"Many battles were also fought over children. Vampire children. Beautiful, enamoring, endearing. People had changed them while they were still young and they became absolutely enchanting to everyone around them. People fought very hard to keep them. But as adorable as they were, they were absolutely unpredictable and sometimes unstoppable. Something like one of their tantrums was enough to wipe out an entire city of people."

"So what happened to them?" Seth wanted to know.

"The mass killings these children could carry out were too conspicuous for our existence. The Volturi outlawed them a long time ago. They were all destroyed, along with anyone who had created them."

"If the kids were destroyed, why did the wolves just kill one?" Bella wanted to know, coming to sit up against the arm of the couch.

"That I don't know." Edward answered. "Maybe someone is trying to start trouble to get their attention. Word must have gotten back to them already. Alice saw them coming."

"What am I going to do?" Bella asked, panic again washing over her.

"Don't worry, Bella. We'll figure something out." Edward said. Seth slid out from under Bella's legs and stood up.

"We don't need you to figure anything out. We don't need your help. We can protect her just fine." Seth was adamant. Edward ignored him. He stood up too, coming face to face with him. Seth could be impetuous, but Edward had decades of time to perfect his demeanor and remain in control of himself in any situation. Edward frowned at him and then began to pace. Bella and Seth both watched him in silence.

"It isn't just a matter of protection. Bella needs to leave. She can't be found here when the Volturi come to investigate about immortal children." He finally said, coming to stop in front of Bella.

"She's NOT leaving."

"_She_ can make decisions for herself, you know." Bella reminded them in an annoyed tone of voice. "Why doesn't anyone trust me enough to make my own decisions?" she pushed both of them out of her way and moved to the middle of the floor.

"WHY DO PEOPLE CONSTANTLY LIE TO ME?" she shouted and kicked the coffee table. Her magazines spilled onto the floor, along with her phone. She picked up the phone angrily and dialed Jake's number. She took a breath and cleared her throat, trying to sound normal.

_Hey._

_Hey. _

_What's up? I was just going to call you._

_Were you?_

_Yeah. Unfortunately I'm going to be stuck out here another night._

_Really? What's going on out there? I thought you and Paul were just helping Brady out with something._

_I am. I just have to cover some more ground than I originally thought I would, that's all._

_That's all? Are you sure there's nothing to be worried about?_

_Bells, you have nothing to be worried about. Trust me._

_Okay Jake, I trust you._

_Talk to you again soon, okay?_

_Okay._

She hung up the phone and then threw it against the wall. The screen cracked and it fell to the floor. She glared at both of them, knowing they had heard the entire conversation. A minute passed by and nobody said anything. Bella seethed on the inside. She was still worried but anger had taken over instead.

"Bella, you need to leave." Edward said again. "They're going to be around here and you know they'll come looking for you too. The Volturi can't come back and find that you're human. You know they'll try to kill you."

"The key word there is _try_. It's not going to happen." Seth said loudly to him.

"Are you willing to take that chance?" A loaded silence filled the room. Any traces of confidence and cockiness left his face and he looked serious beyond his young years. He felt like he was in an impossible situation.

Bella walked out of the room and down the hall to her bedroom. She kicked things around, angry thoughts still crashing into each other in her head. She was slamming drawers and pulling things out to start packing.

_Fuck_ she heard Seth's voice in the doorway. She shot him a look and turned her back to him, still packing. She was mad at Seth, but she was more mad at Jake for keeping her in the dark and then continuing to lie to her.

"How is this even going to work?" he asked himself. Bella heard Edward's voice behind her this time.

"Carlisle can make up some kind of excuse. No one else besides my family and your family knows we're not together anymore…." he was thinking out loud. "You could be _dead_."

"WHAT?" it was Seth. Even Bella stopped what she was doing to stare at them when she heard him say that.

"I don't mean really dead, of course" he clarified. "I mean, well, Alice saw your future disappear a few weeks ago anyways. We wouldn't be able to get away with lying forever if we were to say you and I were just away on a trip. They would eventually get around to checking up on you at some point. But – if you were dead…"

"They would leave everybody alone and then go back to Italy." Bella finished his sentence.

"Yes. If that happened, it would be understandable why I wouldn't be there. I'd be too upset by losing you and then your untimely demise to want to be around anyone. And of course that takes care of your absence, Bella." he concluded. "Alice can just show Aro everything that's happened up to this point, and then show him you disappearing,"

Seth exhaled loudly. He went to stand in front of Bella, taking the shoes out of her hand and putting them down on the bed. He took her hands and looked into her eyes.

"Please Bella, don't go. I know you're angry…" he pleaded with her.

"I am angry. But more than being angry, it hurts knowing I can't trust anyone." She told him, dropping his hands and zipping up her bag. "Regardless, I'm not going to let anything happen to Jake, to you, or to anyone else." He shook his head at her, sadness making him look like an entirely different person.

"Seth?"

"Yes?" he dared to look hopeful for a split second.

"Please take care of Bailey for me." Bella turned to leave but was stopped by Edward.

"Wait, love. Seth is a part of this too." She hesitated in the doorway and Seth picked his head back up, listening carefully.

"You know Bella, as much as I'd love to, as easy as it would be for me…and you know I would…" he said the hint of a sad smile on his face. "I can't be the one to go with you. It's too dangerous for you. Alice will be able to see where I go and I can't take the risk that the Volturi might come to me. There has to be no chance they will find us together. Besides, if you leave with Seth somewhere, that's just extra security that you won't be on their radar because of her or anyone else."

Bella opened her mouth and then shut it, not knowing what to say. She looked at Seth. He was staring at the ceiling and then threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Yeah, sure, everyone is going to love this. I can just hear Jake now…hey Seth, thanks for kidnapping my girlfriend. Thanks for making an unauthorized change to the plans because Bella's vampire ex-husband thought it would be a better idea. Oh hey, don't let me forget – thanks for taking good care of Bella just like I asked. Letting her faint and giving herself a black eye... That _is_ a really great look for her after all."

"It's okay, you don't need to do this for me. I don't want you to. I've asked too much of you from the start. I never expected you to even want to be friends with me, and yet you've shown me kindness after kindness. I'm already forever in your debt for saving me from vampires the first time. I don't think I could ever repay you if it was twice in a lifetime." she told him, hoping he would listen.

"That's true." he managed to stop looking serious for an instant and cocked his eyebrow. Bella rolled her eyes, appreciative that somehow he was still himself in all of this crap going on around them.

"I'll be fine by myself, don't worry." She hugged him and turned to leave again.

"Bella, you know I'm going to."

"Going to what?"

"You know I'm going to go with you." She could tell there would be no further discussion with him about it by the look on his face. Edward was looking more relieved at his place by the door.

"I'm sure I'll get torn a new face over all of this. Somebody better remember me in their will, that's all I'm saying." At that Edward made a face and gestured with his hands.

"I would say that to a vampire, wouldn't I?" Seth smacked his head comically. Edward actually broke into a grin. Everyone needed a moment of levity before the seriousness crept back in.

"So, where are we going?" Seth asked him, all business.

"I don't know. I _can't_ know, actually. It's better if I don't. _That_ ought to help, though." He pointed back down the hallway to the envelope he had first brought, which was sitting on the counter where Bella had left it.

Bella gave him a confused face, failing to see how divorce papers would be of any use. _Go and open it_, he told her. Everyone walked back down the hallway and Bella grabbed it, slipping a finger under the flap to break the seal. She took out the papers and saw there was another small envelope for her to open. She looked over the divorce papers and then put them down. She opened the smaller envelope and pulled out another sheet, along with a debit card.

"What is this?"

"Read the paper that came with it."

Bella did and her mouth dropped open. Seth moved around to the other side of her to read over her shoulder and then his mouth dropped open too. He closed it and then turned to Edward.

"Hey Edward, why don't you marry _me_?"

"Shut up, Seth." she snapped at him.

"Just saying…that's ridiculous is all. I've got to get me a divorce settlement and some alimony…" Edward's mouth twitched trying to fight another grin. His face became serious after a moment or two. He walked over and carefully picked up the shoe that Bailey was still tucked into. The kitten meowed at him warily.

"Seth, take care of her. Please." he said, tucking the shoe under his arm and heading to the door. He gave Bella one last look before he shut it and left.


	16. I Suppose It's Just All the Same to You

Chapter 16: I Suppose It's Just All the Same to You

Companion Song: Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men

There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back

Well tell her that I miss our little talks

Soon it will be over and buried with our past

We used to play outside when we were young

And full of life and full of love

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right

Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear

'Cause though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey! Don't listen to a word I say

Hey! The screams all sound the same

Hey!

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey! Hey!

You're gone, gone, gone away

I watched you disappear

All that's left is the ghost of you.

Now we're torn, torn, torn apart,

There's nothing we can do

Just let me go we'll meet again soon

(Lyrics are copyright of Of Monsters and Men)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

HEY WAIT A MINUTE Seth yelled in his head. After a few seconds the door cracked open slowly and Edward peered around it.

"Yes?"

"Let me guess, we need to leave soon, right?"

"The sooner the better, I think. The less Bella's scent is around in the area, the more convincing it will be. My guess is that it will probably be about two weeks before they show up here. Enough time for it to fade out and make sense with what Alice will show him. Your death is recent, and that's why I'll be gone too. But hmmm…" He came all the way back in and leaned up against the wall. He looked down at Bailey and then back at them.

"What's the matter?" Bella asked him, seeing he was thinking with a slight frown on his face.

"Leave your keys for me, okay? I need to get rid of some things here and pack up a lot of your stuff. This needs to look legitimate." He paused for a minute. "Wait…"

"Jake." Seth reminded him.

"Right. That's the problem…you and I aren't together. It needs to be him." Edward frowned in earnest this time.

"Yeah, good luck trying to convince him. He's already going to be thrilled with this plan. You might as well ask him to make it look like he killed Bella…" Seth chuckled, shaking his head. Edward stopped frowning and raised an eyebrow. He cocked his head to the side and started absentmindedly tapping his lips with his fingers.

"Surely you can't be serious!" Bella stared at Edward in disbelief.

"Well…" he admitted, amber eyes smoldering at her. "Seth does have a point."

"No, no. Seth does _not_ have a point. I was _not_ suggesting, only kidding, and will already never be able to dig myself out of this hole!" Seth said backing up, hands in the air as if to defend himself.

"But you're right though. And it makes sense. Caius almost lost a fight to a werewolf like 2000 years ago. He tried to do away with all of them after that. He doesn't trust them, to say the least. He's always been the most persistent about Bella being a liability that needs to be taken care of. A wolf killing Bella would really be the perfect explanation."

"That really just seems like kind of a cruel thing to ask, in a way. You know Jacob would never hurt me. None of them would." Bella gave him a pointed look.

Edward kept silent, he understood what she was implying. It might as well have been one of the many arguments from the past where Edward would keep reminding her that she couldn't trust the wolves; they were dangerous and angry and likely to hurt her at any point. It didn't matter how many times she argued that fact wasn't true. It didn't matter now, either. He looked at her thoughtfully.

"I know that. But HE doesn't know that. I didn't mean anything by it, love. I was thinking purely from a strategic perspective, not a personal one. Caius is the biggest problem, in my opinion. If we convince him Bella is no longer an issue he needs to investigate or deal with, then we don't have to worry about any of the rest of them either. I'm just saying…it wouldn't be hard to convince him with an excuse he has some serious personal experience with. That's all I meant."

"Yeah, I suppose it's just all the same to you." Bella stuck out her lower lip, not happy with him even though she knew his words made sense and he was right. They stared at each other in silence.

"Wait a minute. That's it." Seth said loudly, causing both of them to stop and turn their heads.

"It's all the same to you, right?" he was speaking to Edward.

"I don't follow…" his face was confused. He had been too distracted by Bella's scowl at him to pay attention to Seth's thought process.

"Sorry. I mean, uhhhh…well, we've never seen them - the Volturi or whatever you call them. I don't know if each of us smells different to you anyways. But it doesn't matter because they've never actually met us or seen us. We were out of there before they showed up once the battle of the newborns was over. So it basically is all the same, you know? I might as well be Jake because they have no way of telling us apart right now."

"You're right. I didn't think of that." Edward admitted. "You know Seth, I may not be needing a will in the foreseeable future, but I will make sure you know how much I appreciate everything once all of this is over." Seth grinned.

"Sooooo, what you're saying is have at it?" he raised his eyebrows.

"Bella?" Edward was looking for her permission.

"Ahhhhh what the hell, I wanted to redecorate anyways." Bella said, liking this idea better and walking over to stand next to Edward where she would be out of the way. "I guess I'll make it look like I was going to leave when it happened. I'll pack a few boxes after you're done crashing around."

"Okay then. One destructive fit of rage coming up." he said, dashing off down the hall.

A minute later Bella and Edward heard the sounds of the nightstand being knocked over and sheets being ripped to shreds. Then it was followed by the sound of a door being crashed in off the hinges. Seth-wolf came running back into the room and launched onto the sofa, grabbing a couch cushion and shaking it violently between his jaws. He then pounced onto the coffee table, which broke in half under his weight. He sat next to a coffee table piece and cocked his head to the side.

"You might as well take out those glasses on the counter. I'm going to need something sharp to cut myself with." Bella told him.

Seth brought a paw up to his head and saluted her. Bella rolled her eyes, again appreciative of the moments of levity he could bring to a serious situation. He walked over and took a paw, swiping the glasses onto the floor where they fell and shattered. He stepped over the pieces carefully and trotted away. He came back as himself a half minute later.

"I hope you appreciated my artistic license there. I was thinking things could have started in the bedroom and escalated as you tried to escape."

He took a mock bow and sat on one of the couch cushions he hadn't shredded or scratched up. Bella went to find cardboard boxes and proceeded to start packing a bunch of things. After a few minutes she came back into the room for something. Edward shifted his weight and spoke.

"I'm going to leave now. Wait until I'm out of range before you start thinking about where you're going to go." He grabbed the doorknob and took a step. "And stay out of Europe. It's too easily accessible from Volterra." he cautioned both of them and gave a small wave before they heard his footsteps leading him away.

Bella continued to carefully pack up boxes for a few more minutes, making sure to also toss some things around to add to the look of chaos where the she was supposed to have been attacked. _Looks good to me_ Seth added from his place in the living room.

"Only one other thing to do." Bella told him, walking over to where the pieces of glass lay on the kitchen floor. She took a big shard and held it in her hand. Seth made a face.

"I know I'm all badass and stuff, killing vampires and saving the world. I don't really need to watch you bleeding, however." he turned away.

"Don't worry, I'll let you know when I'm safe to look at again."

Bella took in a big breath and stabbed herself a little harder then she meant to. _Fucking owww _she cursed and then went about smearing blood on her sheets, her bedroom doorknob, some on the floor leading out into the kitchen, and then lastly on a couch cushion. She then went into the bathroom and found a big bandage and applied it to her arm.

"Okay, I'm good. And I think we can probably figure out where we want to go now. Any thoughts?"

"Hmmm. Well…I suppose we can make that call when we get to the airport. I need to go back to the rez and get my passport, though."

"Right. Let me borrow your phone a minute, I just want to call my dad and make sure he doesn't come over here or worry about me while I'm away." Seth handed her the phone and she called Charlie and warned him.

"How are we going to explain…_everything_?" Bella wondered, looking anxiously around the room.

"I don't know. I'll figure that out when and if I have to. Let's go."

Seth grabbed her bag and they walked out to her car. In a little while, they were pulling up outside of Seth's house. He dashed in through the front door and was gone for about 15 minutes. Bella saw Sam walking over through the car window. Seth was opening up the door, bag in hand when he spotted Sam. He took a few steps over to him and they started talking. Bella wished she could hear what was going on.

_I shouldn't let this all fall on him_ she thought, cracking the door and sliding her legs over the seat. Seth did a double take in her direction.

"No! Stay in the car, Bella. It can't smell like you here, remember?" he reminded her. She paused where she was.

"That kid, that _thing_ that Paul and Jake killed yesterday…it violates some kind of vampire law or whatever. Edward was telling us about it – "

"Edward?" Sam cut him off. "Why were you talking to Edward about this? Does Edward know something? Is he behind this?" he was starting to look angry.

"No, he isn't behind this. But he has some kind of idea what's going on. His sister – you know, the psychic? – she saw the Volturi coming here to investigate the _thing_…" Seth looked at Bella for help.

"The Volturi, the vampires that showed up after you guys left when the battle was over…they're coming here to investigate that child."

"The ones that hand out the justice, right?" Sam looked at her, seeming less angry now and more concerned, instead. Bella nodded and continued.

"Children aren't allowed to be one of their kind. The Volturi are coming to enforce that law forbidding them. They'll kill any more vampire children – if there are any – and anyone who created the children." Bella tried explaining. Sam seemed to stare through her and then he noticed the bag in Seth's hand.

"So where does Bella come in, in all of this? Why are you leaving? We can protect her best here, that's what we all agreed to last night. If anything, we need as many wolves as possible…" he was already starting to strategize.

"I'm not abandoning anyone, believe me." Seth was adamant, and looking more than a little hurt. "I'm trying to avoid a problem before it comes to that." Bella felt bad. She was the reason behind anyone even doubting him.

"I come in because while the Volturi are trying to figure out who started all of this crap, they'll be checking up on me. They'll want to make sure I'm not still a human. If they find that I am, they'll kill me. They'll probably kill the Cullens, too. They could kill a lot of people…_who knows what kind of destruction they would cause_?" she returned his gaze. Nobody said anything as her words sank in. She could tell he understood what she was saying. Bella sighed.

_As confident as he may be, he wants to avoid a conflict if at all possible. He doesn't want to risk losing anyone, even if he thinks they would win._

"So, you're going." He glanced at Seth's bag again. "But where? You're just going to take the fight somewhere else. You would be nothing on your own. I know you're trying to protect everyone else…Seth, you _need_ your brothers." He was almost pleading with him. Bella could see Sam was deeply troubled at the thought of what Seth was risking.

"Hopefully, it's not going to come to that. Bella is going to be dead." He tried explaining again.

"WHAT?" Sam shouted with an indescribable face. "You Know Bella is Jake's…you know…if she were to die…" he couldn't get the words out fast enough.

"No, no. I don't mean _really_ dead. That's what everyone is going to believe. I wish I had more time to explain this, but I don't. Bella is going to be fine." Seth said with an authoritative voice, which was ironic considering who he was talking to. Seth walked over to the car and opened up the trunk, Sam following right behind him. He threw his bag in and shut it.

"One of the Volturi, particularly the one hell-bent on taking out Bella for being a liability to their secrecy…he had a fight with a werewolf like forever ago. He almost lost that fight and never got over it and whenever they come around checking up on her, it's going to look bad. It's going to look like one of us wolves killed her." Seth was trying his best to convey his urgency in all of this.

Sam frowned but nodded slightly. _Hmmmm_ he said.

"What about Edward?"

"He's probably already gone. Edward is going to be too devastated from his breakup with Bella, and then of course her dying. He's going to be holed up somewhere else in the world, too upset to be around anyone." Seth paused and then added, "Hopefully also to be an extra distraction and way of making this really look serious." He walked over to the driver's side door and sat on the seat.

"The Cullens…" Sam started to say. There were things about this plan he was not entirely convinced of.

"Avoid them at all costs right now. They are part of this lie being carried out and everyone needs to stay away from them and anywhere even remotely near their house until this is all over. Nobody can leave any traces or excuses for them to come over here for any reason. Get Jake and anyone else back here as soon as possible. Only send someone out if it's absolutely necessary, in the event of imminent danger from one of those _things_."

Sam was not happy but he knew there was no more time to argue with Seth or figure out another plan. Seth put a hand on the door.

"When are you going to be back?" he was starting to sound like a worried father, and once again Bella felt terrible. She knew how much weight was always on Sam's shoulders, thanks in part to her.

"Edward said his sister saw them coming in about two weeks time." He shrugged, shaking his head. "I mean, I really don't know I guess."

And he started to pull the car door closed as Sam stepped back. Bella pulled her legs back in and shut her door too. Seth started to back the car up and Sam put a hand up, as if to say goodbye. It was the saddest and most anxious Bella had ever seen him look. She could see the stress in Seth's face, too. They pulled away and were speeding down the road towards the airport. The further away they got, the more it weighed heavily on Bella's mind and heart, thinking about how those she loved the most were always giving up everything for her.


	17. A Couple Weeks are Worth Your Freedom

A/N: To my fellow teammate on Team Jacob: Yeah, that would be easy and much nicer, wouldn't it? But unfortunately Jake was delayed fighting the immortal child up to the north and he couldn't be back in time to go with her. Damn vampires always ruining something hahaha. Don't worry, he'll be back soon and waiting less than patiently for Bella and Seth to return. And hey, I yell stuff at the computer screen too – I definitely yelled more than my fair share at the real books when I was reading them. By the last book I was yelling mostly curse words J

Chapter 17: A Couple Weeks are Worth Your Freedom

Companion Song: Heavy Lifting by Ambulance LTD

True enough, I hear them take you away

But you could be home in a day

And let the hammer fall

Alone because my friends have places to go

My people have people to know

They've never seemed so remote

I'm taking it easy if it comes to fate

But for the time I've gotta wait

(Lyrics are copyright of Ambulance LTD)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Bella thought about Jake the whole way to the airport. She couldn't even bring herself to ask Seth any questions about where they were going as they were walking through the airport terminal. She realized it didn't even matter where she was going, it wouldn't change how she was feeling right now. She regretted throwing her phone against the wall, even though there was a good chance she wouldn't be able to use it wherever she ended up.

_I shouldn't have been so angry with him. Maybe he just thought this wasn't as big of a deal. Maybe he didn't realize the potential danger in all of this. Seth wasn't aware of it at first, either. What is wrong with me?_

"Alright, maybe it's better if you don't know until we're on the plane." Seth was telling her as he walked away to the ticket counter.

She nodded, not really listening. After several minutes, he beckoned her to come over to the counter with boarding passes in his hand. They both put their bags on the scale as an agent slipped tags around them and put them on the conveyor belt behind her. They showed their I.D.s and Seth asked about which gate they were going to. He looked down at his watch.

"We should probably start walking that way." He pointed left.

"So soon?" Bella mumbled.

"I booked anything available on the next flight out. We have about half an hour until it leaves, but you know what security is like."

"Right. Okay." She shuffled her feet, dragging her bag behind her. She was looking down at the ground, following Seth's shoes. She wasn't paying attention to any of the hustle of the people going on around them. They waited in a long line of people to get through security where it seemed to take forever just to go through the metal detectors. They kept walking, eventually stopping at the second to last gate in the terminal.

Seth watched different groups of people start to get up as an agent announced they would begin boarding, starting with First Class passengers. _That's us_ he said , nudging her with an arm. Bella followed him to the front of the line as he handed a flight attendant their tickets. She looked at the flight attendant and noticed she had a medium complexion, long dark hair and brown eyes. It was the first thing she had really noticed since being at the airport and it piqued her curiosity a little. They walked down the gangway and easily found their seats in the second row.

"First class?" she cocked an eyebrow at Seth.

"You know, I always say – if you're going to do something, you should do it right." He winked.

She shook her head at him but smiled. A little bit of time went by as other passengers walked past them and jostled around each other. Bella could hear them trying to shove their bags in the overhead compartments and clicking their seatbelts shut. Everyone got settled and a female voice came over the loudspeaker.

"We would like to thank you for joining us on our flight from Tacoma International Airport here in Seattle. We will be arriving at Indira Gandhi International Airport in New Delhi in approximately nineteen hours. Please secure tray tables and return seats to the upright position for take off. Thank you and enjoy your time flying with us here on India Air."

Bella groaned _Awww Seth_ loudly and made a face at him.

"Well you know, I thought it would be a real shame not to use that bikini of yours again." he joked. She made another face at him.

"Listen Bella, nineteen hours is an awfully long time to be in a bad mood sitting next to someone." he warned her cheerfully.

"Shut up, Seth." Bella whacked him in the arm and Seth smirked triumphantly in her direction. _Yeah yeah yeah_ he mumbled.

Those nineteen hours felt like they might as well have been fifty. Bella was trapped in her own mind, nitpicking everything she should have done. She fidgeted on and off, tried watching the in-flight movie and ate a little, but it didn't distract her very much. Seth, on the other hand, slept like ten hours straight with no problem. She couldn't fault him for it though, knowing how tired he was from running around trying to watch out for everyone. Bella herself eventually did doze off for a few hours at the end. She was jolted awake by the plane hitting the runway as it landed. It rolled on for a few minutes, eventually coming to stop at a gate. They went through customs and were shuttled into the terminal where they waited for their bags.

"You wait here, okay?" Seth walked off towards a customer service desk. Bella looked around and saw how incredibly busy and packed the airport was with people.

_Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea, it would be easy to get lost among everyone here _she reminded herself. Seth was busy talking to a guy at the desk for quite awhile. She watched as he picked up a phone and talked to someone else. She turned away as the bags started coming down the carousel. Bella recognized their two bags and pulled them off, figuring she would head over and see how things were going.

"Good, good. Excellent. Yes, thank you very much." Seth said into the receiver and hung up the phone.

"Now I know why they say money talks." he muttered under his breath to Bella. "Alright, we're all set here."

They walked and away from the counter and out through the front doors. _Woooooah_ they both said upon seeing the enormous amount of people, the cabs, cars, and general craziness. They were definitely not in Washington anymore. Seth hailed a cab and told the driver the name of the hotel they were staying at. The hotel wasn't that far away, but it took 40 minutes to get through all of the traffic and people weaving in and out of the road on motorbikes. Sunlight began to fade away and dusk set it as they pulled up to the hotel. Seth paid the cabdriver and helped Bella get out before grabbing their bags again.

"This is really something, huh?" he said to her.

"Yeah, it really is." She answered, taking in the height and majestic lines of the building. It was fancy, that's for sure. There were windows and balconies everywhere, not to mention an enormous front entrance and all sorts of different decorative landscaping as far as she could see. There were lights hanging everywhere that illuminated everything in a really pretty way.

"A little conspicuous, no?" she questioned.

"Yes, very. We're only staying here tonight. Tomorrow, we're going somewhere totally different and definitely less conspicuous the rest of our time here." he told her as they walked past rows of elaborate fountains on the way to the doors. They checked in and went up to their room.

_So NOT necessary_ Bella mumbled as she shut the door behind them and eyed the huge suite.

"Well, at least now you have enough space so you can get away from me."

"Why would I want to get away from you?" she asked, confused.

"Bella, I'm not an idiot. I know you don't want to be here with me right now." Bella's face twisted around.

"Oh Seth, it isn't that!" she burst into tears and ran into the bathroom.

_Oh my God, I'm crying? I seriously have an anxiety problem_ she couldn't understand why she was so upset by what he said. She felt embarrassed and stupid, still crying and hiding out in the bathroom. Seth knocked on the door and cracked it, peering around the edge.

"Jesus, I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean anything by it." he said, unsure of what to do next. _I…I…I know_ she sniffled, face buried in a tissue. She could feel him hugging her a minute later.

"I hate seeing you cry. It's like every guy's worst nightmare. I'd rather see Victoria snarling and headed my way again instead of making a girl cry because I've said something stupid." She looked up from her tissue. He nodded, serious and kidding at the same time in only a way that Seth could pull off. She sighed.

"I don't have anything against you. I don't want to get away from _you_. I want to get away from myself."

"Ahhh yes, I thought I recognized that face. Bella, when are you going to quit beating yourself up?"

"Never."

"Well you can't do anything differently. I knew you were thinking about that on the plane the whole time. What's done is done. We're here and we're just going to have to stick it out for awhile. No one really wants to be in the position they're in right now, but that's life, right? And you know what?"

"What?"

"A couple weeks of bullshit waiting is worth being free from fear the rest of your life."

She could see he was the same kid waxing philosophical as he did during movie night. He was funny by nature and usually trying to make her laugh, but still incredibly introspective at times and here he was yet again, trying to get her to see the importance in all of this when she couldn't even look past her own problems. That feeling of inadequacy crept in again.

"Damnit Seth, I don't deserve your friendship."

"Don't be ridiculous." he said, patting her shoulder. "Come on, let's order in and eat some real food. I, for one, am starving." He walked out of the bathroom and went over to the phone, ordering what sounded like enough food to feed an army.

"That ought to do it." he said, flopping down on the bed with his arms behind his head. He grabbed the remote and pressed a button, making a giant TV come up from the end of the footboard. _Cool!_ he said, turning it on and flipping through the channels.

"Oh man, I hope everything isn't in Hindi." he complained.

Bella was still standing in the doorway of the bathroom, staring at him with an amused expression. He found a soccer match on and chucked the remote back onto the nightstand. She shook her head and laughed to herself, again reminded of how much he and Jacob could be alike at times. Bella dug around in her suitcase, finding her nighttime stuff and bringing it into the bathroom. She definitely wanted a shower more than anything else right now.

Awhile later, and feeling much better from the heat of the water, she emerged from the bathroom in her pajamas. _Ummm wow_ was all she could say, noticing all the food that had been set out in the kitchenette on the table. _This Indian pizza isn't half bad_ she heard Seth say, eyes glued to the soccer match. She picked at some of the food but didn't have the heart to eat much, still too depressed and mulling over the last time she had talked to Jake. She went in to brush her teeth and came back out, laying back against the pillows next to Seth.

"I will never understand the excitement of soccer…" she said, yawning.

"I have plenty of time to make you appreciate it while we're here." he playfully threatened her. _Ugggh NO_ she said, pulling a pillow on top of her ears to block out the commentator's voice on TV. A few minutes later she was asleep, emotionally and physically too exhausted to stay up anymore. Hours later, she woke up in the morning noticing she had been covered by a blanket and saw Seth passed out on the couch with his feet hanging over the side. She got up and got dressed and packed her stuff up.

"Hey Seth, wake up." She was shaking him. _What…what?_ he was still half asleep when he opened his eyes. "I think it's time to check out. And also, I want you to help me do something while we still have the chance."

"Okay, sure." He looked at his watch. "Oh crap, right you are!" he said, making a mad dash around the room throwing his stuff back into his suitcase and throwing some shoes on. They went downstairs to the lobby to check out first and then grab breakfast on the other side.

"What did you want me to help you with?" he asked after they were done eating.

"We're going over there, while we still have internet access and sending an email to someone. Whose email address do you have?" she asked, dragging him to where several computers were set up in a different nook of the lobby under a sign that read COMPLIMENTARY WI-FI.

"Ummm….well….we never really need to do that anymore, you know." He said tapping his head to signify the telepathy he shared with the pack. Seeing her expression, he thought for a minute and then said "The only one I can think of off the top of my head is Quil. We used to play World of Warcraft online together awhile ago."

"Alright. I guess that's better than nothing." She started clicking on one of the computers, pulling up a browser and making him sign in. She put her fingers up to the keyboard but didn't even know where to begin. Eventually, she began to type a message.

_Hey,_

_Sorry Quil, you were the only email address Seth could remember this early in the morning. Anyhow, I just wanted to tell everybody we made it here safely. We aren't at our final destination yet though, and this is probably the last time we're going to have internet. Please tell Jake I'm sorry when you see him and that I miss him. You don't know how much I wish I was home right now. I will be forever grateful for all of the sacrifices everyone has made for me. I love you all so much and I'm sorry this is my fault. Please be safe._

_Love,_

_Bella_

She hit send and then logged off, feeling more depressed than ever.


	18. Be Careful What You Promise, Mary

Chapter 18: Be Careful What You Promise, Mary

Companion Song: I Still Ain't Over You by Augustana

Out of luck and out of tune

Half a day and night confused

Love may wash away the blues

But I still ain't over you

Damn the day that I forgot

Came so close and almost lost

It's been one year and fourteen months

But I still ain't over you

Hey, I'm the blood in your veins

I'm the cold when it rains

I'm your heart when it breaks

Time, no it ain't on our side

I'm the truth to your lie

I'm your tear when you cry

Back and forth

Right ain't wrong if wrong ain't right

Well I will love you day and night

'Cause I still ain't over you

(Lyrics are copyright of Augustana)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

They grabbed their bags and then walked out of the hotel and hailed another cab, first heading to a bank and then ending up at a rental car place.

"Yeah, we're on our own the rest of the way." he told her, heading into the building and emerging a few minutes later with some keys, a map, and some snacks which he tried to shove into the front pocket of his suitcase. They wouldn't fit, and that lead Bella to ask him what he had in there. He gave her a weird look and unzipped the pocket a little ways, revealing that it was full of Indian money.

"We're going to be out here awhile, remember?"

"Actually you don't need to remind me." she answered glumly.

"You know Bella, I will get you to have at least a little fun out here, even if it kills me." He flashed her one of his winning smiles and threw their stuff into the rental car. _Oh great_ she answered with sarcastic excitement.

"Challenge accepted." he said with a semi-serious expression.

"So where are we going?" she asked him after they had started driving.

"Somewhere a bit more remote. I told the concierge at the airport that my wife Mary and I wanted some privacy." He did his eyebrow wiggle and Bella made a face at him and tried not to laugh.

"We're going to a city called Rajkot. It's pretty far west and sorta close to the Indian Ocean. We'll have a private flat there."

"Sounds nice. Seth…thank you. I know you're trying to make this a decent trip despite everything going on back home and I am basically killing that as much as possible." She sighed and looked at him apologetically. "I promise I'll think of some way to make up for it."

"Hey, you better be careful what you promise. I'll hold you to it." He was kidding and being serious at the same time again.

They drove for hours, stopping somewhere on the road to grab lunch at one point. Bella noticed the changing landscape compared to what they had first seen while walking outside of the airport. There were no longer any tall buildings, and houses were fewer and farther in between. Cars were becoming more scarce as people went by on motorbikes or on foot. There seemed to be just as many animals as there were people. They passed a market a few minutes before Seth announced they were finally there.

"We should go to that market one day."

"Sure Mary, whatever you want." He raised his eyebrows again and Bella threw something at him.

They were greeted warmly by a man and his wife, obviously the owners of the property. They spoke broken English but seemed very nice. Seth handed them some cash and asked them a few questions. He must have given them quite a bit of money because they got even friendlier.

"You come with any questions, yes? We are there. That house." The man pointed to an almost identical flat that was about twenty yards away and they left.

"Alright. Time to get settled." Seth said as he pulled out the key the man had handed him and turned it in the lock. The flat was on the smaller side, with a mostly open floor plan. It seemed modern in comparison to the majority of what they had passed by on the way there, but still very quaint. This was definitely more to Bella's liking than the ostentatious hotel from last night.

They spent the first few days walking around the marketplace and getting some supplies. They explored town a bit next and went to a museum that had all different kinds of dolls from around the world. Being that Bella and Seth were mostly alone, they did a lot of talking. Sometimes it was about silly things, and sometimes it was serious. Bella cried on more than a few occasions out of anxiety and wanting to be home. She constantly felt riddled with guilt about being happy or enjoying herself at all when everyone else was home and in a more tense environment with the Volturi lurking around. Day and night Bella wondered about what was going on and whether they had come yet. She hadn't been sleeping at night and Seth was starting to worry.

"I think we need to go to the coast and enjoy some beach time for at least a day. You need to relax, seriously." He told her one night where she was looking particularly tired. _Okay_ she had agreed, not feeling like arguing at all. She was homesick for the beach at LaPush and not entirely sure she could hold it together for a whole day, but she figured Seth was the one who really deserved some relaxation. She knew she had been keeping him up too, even though she knew he would never complain about it.

The next day, they took the car and the map and went to a beach. It was scenic and beautiful, full of trees and exotic plants. And even though Bella was missing LaPush, she did enjoy herself a little. The sun on her face and the wind in her hair did her a lot of good, at least temporarily. They walked up from the beach to where several stalls were on a nearby road. Women in colorful saris were shopping with big baskets, men were doing business and tending to animals, and children were running around laughing and playing with one another. It seemed carefree and happy, and the thought of something normal going on somewhere in the world was a little comforting.

"Hungry?" Seth asked. "I know I am."

Bella rolled her eyes in response. _Good to know some things never change_ she thought, feeling more at ease than she had in what seemed like forever.

They approached a women in an emerald green sari who was chopping vegetables and tending to food she was cooking over a fire. _It smells so good_ Bella said, mouth watering as the scent drifted over. She saw Bella's face and smiled.

"What is that?" Bella said, pointing to it.

"Bhajji. Very good, made with many potatoes. You want to try?" her English was a little hard to understand under a heavy accent. She smiled again, pulling some out of a pan and putting them in a little cup. She looked at Seth who had cash in his hand and started putting more in a second cup. She handed it over to them and put a hand up, as if to caution them.

"Now, very spicy. Little bit at a time. Enjoy." They walked away, back to their stuff on the beach with cups in hand. They sat down and Seth eyed her with a skeptical expression.

"What?"

"Are you actually going to eat it?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Since when did you start eating spicy food?" his face became more skeptical.

"I don't know, since now? When in Rome…?" she shrugged her shoulders at him. He chuckled and started to eat.

Bella started to eat too, and soon tears were streaming out of her eyes after a minute from the heat of the spices. She was then snuffing her nose, because that had started to run next.

"Living a little dangerously?" he kidded her, not very affected by the heat with only a single tear coming out of his eye. Bella was starting to recall a story he had told her about a contest the guys had had to see who could eat the most jalapenos in 2 minutes. She shook her head at him, remembering he had proudly told her he won it, hands down.

"A brush with immortality has made you careless. Tsk tsk." He wagged a finger at her as she laughed and then buried her face in a towel, trying to stem the flow of tears and mucus out of her face. She was pressing the corner to her eyes when she started to feel a little sick.

"Bleeeh. Let's go home. I need to clean up and drink, like, a gallon of water." She complained and started gathering her things. W_imp_ she heard Seth mutter as he jabbed her with an elbow and they shook the sand off of them before getting into the car.

They drove home and she closed her eyes, as a sick feeling crept over her and got worse the longer they were in the car. She was instantly glad to see their flat but her legs started to wobble as she got out of the car and then Bella knew she wasn't going to make it in time. She fell on to her knees and threw up in the driveway. She felt like she was soaked in sweat and not entirely sure she wasn't going to throw up again. She groaned and then slumped the rest of the way to the driveway, too sick to care she was on the pavement. Seth had walked over from the driver's side and made a face, teasing her about too much Bhajji too soon while he went around behind her and started to put an arm under her side and slowly pull her up. As the rest of the world swam up back into view, she noticed that the man and wife who owned the property must have seen what happened. They came over and the woman was speaking in Hindi to her husband.

"Yes, yes. There is a clinic nearby. Doctor is down the road, about kilometer and a half. They see your wife there."

"Right, thanks." Seth told them and they started to walk back to their flat. "It should only take a few minutes, though of course you're going to have to get back in the car." He warned Bella. "You think you can manage a trip there, Mary?" he asked looking a little concerned but the hint of a smile around his eyes.

_Remind me to kick your butt when I feel better_ Bella mumbled to him as he helped her into the seat and buckled her in.

"You won't let me live this down, ever, will you?" she said, still sweaty and scowling at him.

"Nope." He grinned and reached into the back seat to grab one of the towels. "Just in case, well…you know." He said and then slowly backed out of the driveway.

They drove down the road and Seth spotted a sign in English for the clinic. He parked and they went inside, where Bella slid into a chair vowing not to move unless absolutely necessary. There were a few people already there in the waiting room. There was coughing and the sound of low chatter going on. After about twenty minutes, someone came to take them into another room. Seth slipped his arm around her waist, steadying her as she walked, and then helping to lift her onto an exam table. He took a seat and looked out the window absentmindedly He tapped his fingers on the windowsill, made a face and then went to looking back out the window as a nurse came by to draw blood. They were sitting in the room waiting for awhile when Seth began to jokingly recount his story about the jalapeno contest.

"You're so not helping right now…." She complained as it was a doctor that came back into the room this time. Seth smirked at Bella and leaned back in the chair, putting his feet up on the edge of the counter by the sink.

"Mrs. Clearwater?" the doctor asked Bella, looking up from the clipboard she was holding.

"Uhhh yes?" Bella almost forgot that was supposed to be her. She gave Seth the eye and turned her attention to the lady.

"There isn't really anything we can give you right now for the vomiting. There's a really limited list of medications available that you can take while pregnant and…" she was cut off as Seth fell out of the chair backwards, taking a tray of tools that had been sitting on the counter out with him. They landed with a loud clattering sound. Bella's mouth dropped open and the doctor looked from Seth who was still all over the floor over to Bella, and then back at Seth again.

"You didn't know?" she said, registering the obvious shock on their faces. No one said anything. "Uhhh, I will leave you two alone and come back later." She hurried out of the room amid the uncomfortable silence and shut the door.

_A brush with immortality has made you careless. _Seth's words echoed in her mind over and over again.


	19. That Day Out in the Rain

A/N: I must thank Moonlight Howling for giving me many things to consider. Consider them, I did. Remember what I said about people writing stories where characters don't cross lines they wouldn't cross? In the end I just couldn't do it. Bella is an idiot, as we all know, but Seth reminds her that her opinion isn't the only one that counts.

Chapter 19: That Day Out in the Rain

Companion Song: Best of Me by The Starting Line

Here we lay again

On two separate beds

Riding phone lines

To meet a familiar voice

And pictures drawn from memory

We reflect on miscommunication

And misunderstandings

And missing each other too

Much to have had to let go

We turn our music down

And we whisper

Say what you're thinking right now

Tell me what you thought about

When you were gone and so alone

The worst is over

You can have the best of me

We got older but we're still young

We never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up

Jumping to conclusions

Made me fall away from you

I'm so glad that the truth

Has brought back together me and you

(Lyrics are copyright of The Starting Line)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

_Ohhhhh noooo _was all that would come out of her mouth. Seth's face was still stunned, staring at her like he couldn't believe what he had just heard.

_Oh my God. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so unbelievably stupid?_

Bella was screaming on the inside. She hid her face, feeling like she might explode at any second. She had been careless indeed and now she really knew it. She had been so focused on Jake, so consumed with wanting to finally know what it was like to be with him after everything, after all these years - she hadn't thought about anything else. Time had made her careless, too. From carrying Renesmee to being a vampire, she hadn't had to think about _that problem. _A haunting picture of Renesmee in absolute clarifying detail came into her mind, making her really lose it.

She was hysterical, her own thoughts making her oblivious to the sobbing and tears escaping from her body. She felt Seth's arms close around her.

"Bella…Bella? Don't cry." He tried to quiet her down. She just shook and shook, feeling utterly lost and it must have shown on her face. "Don't cry." He told her again, this time squeezing tighter. She gasped for air, choking until she felt like she would throw up again.

_Hey, heyyyy_ he mumbled into her hair as she gasped again, still sobbing. This time she had no more tears left to fall. He loosened his grip on her a little, letting her sob until she was quiet and still. He pulled back and she opened her eyes. Seth was staring at her intently, his face questioning.

"I'm sure you weren't expecting this. Hell, I know _I_ wasn't, not yet anyways. Listen, this is sooooo not something I know anything about…." He sighed quietly. "I'm sure this requires wisdom far beyond my 18 years." He put his hands on her shoulders.

"But…" he looked down at her, eyes reflecting that kindness she had come to rely on. "Aren't you happy, even just a little bit?" he was serious for a few seconds but then his face spread into a grin. Seeing Seth smile made Bella feel even worse.

"Don't you think Jake will be happy?" he asked her. She couldn't bring herself to say anything, there were just no words to describe the feelings going on. The smile faded off of his face slowly as he stared at Bella, who had started quietly shedding a few more tears.

"But I don't understand why you're so upset. Why…" he trailed off. The blood drained out of his face and he was the one looking like he was going to be sick. "You…you wouldn't think of….? Bella?" His voice cracked and he couldn't bring himself to say it, hands falling to his sides. Seeing Seth look like that, like he was in panic and utterly unlike himself in every way was enough to make Bella want to be swallowed up by the Earth here and now.

_No_, she said quietly, wanting so badly to never see his face look like that again for as long as she lived. His color started to come back and he exhaled loudly, grabbing on to her again and squeezing as hard as he could. She started gasping and he mumbled _sorry_, looking at her and smiling even wider than the first time.

"Sorry, I'm just so happy you…well, I'm just happy." He admitted, childlike enthusiasm as strong as she had ever seen it. Even Bella managed a small smile before it faded away. He swung up and sat next to her on the exam table.

"So….so what's wrong? This should be like the best day ever." He put his hand on her leg.

"Sorry, Seth. I just don't see it as the best day ever when someone tells you you're going to ruin another person's life." She could hardly speak above a whisper.

"What?" he was in disbelief at what she had just said. "What?" he repeated, looking like she had started talking Japanese. "Bella, no. No, no, no."

"Yeah, just what Jake needs. I can't take away his future from him like this. I can't, I _won't_." She was strengthening her resolve, finding her voice again.

"Ohhh Bella, there are things you don't know. You don't know what he went through when you were sick and dying from this the first time. We _all_ lived that pain for so long. When Edward saw that you wanted to keep the baby, he talked to Jake about letting you have kids, regular kids. Edward didn't want you to die just to have a baby, _nobody_ did. Jake being able to picture what your life would have been like, if that were true…You wouldn't be taking away his future Bella, you'd be giving him one. Don't you think he – " Seth was cut off by Bella nearly shouting.

"There are lots of things he wants to do. I will not be the one to screw up his entire life, YET AGAIN. He has risked his life like a million times already for me, I can't ask him to give it up once more. He's always given up EVERYTHING to be with me - "

Seth jumped backwards, this time he cut her off and was the one actually shouting.

"Why do you think that is?!" he asked but Bella didn't answer him.

"Because Bella, he loves you! He always has. You're everything to him, don't you understand? You ARE his future. From the time he imprinted on you, standing in the rain that day outside of his house when – "

"WHAT?!" Bella yelled before falling into stunned silence.

"Oh my God, he never told you…" Seth was quiet again. _Ohhhh boy_ Seth said sheepishly and then dared to smile. "I really never am getting out of this hole, am I?"

"Bella, that's all he's ever wanted. _You_. That's why he's never given up, no matter what you said. You're so stubborn. We were all pretty sure it _would_ take forever…"

"Shut up, Seth." She said with the hint of a smile.

Bella's feeling of terror and guilt started to ebb slowly away. She stared at Seth, as the meaning of what he said started to sink in.

It finally started to make sense. Yes, all of those times Jake should have given up on her but didn't. Like always, he knew. He knew before she did. He knew they were meant to be together and he would wait forever for her to realize it. Bella knew now he never would have told her about the imprint, either. He didn't want her to feel beholden to him because of something beyond her control. He always wanted to know that if he ever had her heart, it would be freely given and without guilt or influence.

Bella felt humbled, knowing just how deep Jake's sacrifices for her went. This really wasn't a decision she should make alone. Seth squeezed her hand and they walked out of the clinic and headed back.

That same feeling helped Bella get through the next two weeks until they figured it was safe to head home again. The nineteen hour flight back passed by quicker than Bella imagined. It was the ride home from the airport that felt like it was taking forever. Finally, they were in the home stretch just a few miles away.

"Hey Bella?" Seth looked away from the road for a second and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yes?"

"I was thinking about something on the plane, you know."

"What's that, Seth?"

"Remember how you promised you would figure out a way to make things up to me, back in India?"

"Yes…" she eyed him suspiciously. He had that same mischievous expression she had seen on his face at the wedding.

"Well I figured out how you can do that." He said, flashing her his usual winning smile.

They pulled up to Seth's house and he shut off the car. They both opened their car doors, getting out and heading for the trunk. The door to the house swung open and Jake came running outside towards them.

_BELLA!_ he yelled, as everyone else spilled out behind him onto the front porch. Jake stopped a foot away from them and looked Bella over, making sure she was in one piece.

He then turned to Seth and then pulled his arm back hard, punching him in the face and knocking him off his feet. Bella had her mouth open in shock.

"IF YOU EVER DISAPPEAR OUT OF THE COUNTRY WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AGAIN…" he was yelling at the top of his lungs, leaning on top of Seth and pulling his fist back again. Seth put his hands in front of his face but didn't fight back. _Uhhh ohhh_ someone muttered from the porch snickering, it sounded like Paul. There were voices calling out a number of things.

"IF YOU EVER FAIL TO TELL ME ABOUT A MURDER SCENE I WILL BE COMING HOME TO…" he landed another punch. Seth's face was really red where Jake's fist came down on it again. "SCARING TWENTY FUCKING YEARS OFF OF MY LIFE…!"

"Bella just promised me godfather, none of this even hurts!" he said gleefully, unsuccessfully trying to move out of the way as Jake pounded him as hard as he could again.

"RIGHT, BECAUSE BELLA PROMISED YOU…" he pulled his fist back again and then froze mid-punch. "WHAT?!..." his arm lowered. "What…did…you…just…say?" His face was unreadable.

Seth lowered his hands and unscrunched his face, which was looking terrible on one side. He slowly opened his eyes again.

"I…uhhh…uhhh…." Seth looked at Jake, stuttering. He glanced at Bella who was still in shock. She had just realized what came out of his mouth and turned super red, covering her face with her hands.

Jake looked from Seth to Bella. He looked back at Seth.

"What did you just say?" he repeated again, no longer yelling.

"Ummm…" Seth was still stuttering. A few seconds ticked by, and Jake's eyes widened. He still had a knee pinning Seth down but let go off the fistful of shirt he had been holding.

"Bella…?" his voice wavered. Everyone on the porch had become dead silent, not daring to even move. Realization started to creep over his face.

"Bella….are you…?"

Seth grinned at him, blood in his teeth starting to leak out the corner of his mouth.

"You know, I think Seth is a really great name for a kid…"

Jake's face went from disbelief to excitement in the span of about two seconds. He grinned back at Seth like an idiot and pushed off of him, running towards Bella. He pulled her hands down and put his arms around her waist.

"What? Really?" he couldn't believe it.

"You're happy?" she asked cautiously.

"Yes. Of course. Why would you even need to ask that?" he was kissing her neck and pulling her into his embrace. "Bella, I'm the happiest I've _ever_ been." He said with tears in his eyes. He turned his head.

"I'll deal with you later!" he threatened Seth still smiling. Seth sat up.

"Hey thanks for the help Leah, I hope this face looks good to you." He called to her.

"Sorry Seth, you kinda deserved that." She told him, shrugging her shoulders.

"Yeah, who the hell said you could call godfather, you jackass?" it was Quil this time.

"Hey, I earned it." He stood up and dramatically wiped his bloody mouth with his shirt.

Several people laughed and then everyone finally spilled off the porch, as the tension had disappeared. People were laughing, and slapping Jake on the arm. Emily came up to hug Bella, telling her how happy she was. Sam started talking to Jake and offered his congratulations. Bella could see Billy on the porch, sitting in his wheelchair. He had always looked at her in a very guarded manner, but his expression was different for once. This time he didn't have to question where her loyalty was and he even looked a little proud. For now, everyone was lost in the buzz of happy news.


	20. Epilogue: Yes, We've Reached the End

Chapter 20: Epilogue: Yes, We've Reached the End

Companion Song: Still Into You by Paramore

Can't count the years on one hand

That we've been together

I need the other one to hold you

Make you feel, make you feel better

It's not a walk in the park

To love each other

But when our fingers interlock,

Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it

'Cause after all this time I'm still into you

I should be over all the butterflies

But I'm into you (I'm into you)

And baby even on our worst nights

I'm into you (I'm into you)

Let 'em wonder how we got this far

'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all

Yeah, after all this time I'm still into you

(Lyrics are copyright of Paramore)

(Characters are copyright of Stephenie Meyer)

No permission is implied from their use and belongs to the respective copyright owners.

Bella was so happy the day she came back to find everyone she loved the most still alive and well on the rez. But of course, Edward wasn't there and she asked about what happened while she and Seth had been gone. The tribe had listened to Seth and stayed away from the Cullens, hoping to avoid drawing the Volturi anywhere near the Quiletes. She was told Alice had called after some time, upon Edward's request, to tell them when the Volturi had left.

The Volturi had come to the area, trying to seek out the responsible party for the immortal child. They had paid a visit to the Cullens, under the pretense of asking questions, when of course in reality they were planning to act swiftly to hand out justice for their part in it's creation. They were sorely disappointed, especially Jane, to find out the Cullens had no knowledge behind who made it or what the intent was. Aro used the occasion to say he was disappointed he did not get to see Bella and Edward get married. He wanted to use this chance to ask how immortality was suiting her, his implied threat very obvious.

Alice did her best to look devastated, giving Aro her hand while Carlisle had told him that Bella had been killed recently. Aro saw Bella's future disappear in Alice's mind, but the rest of the Volturi were not as easily convinced and inquired about Edward's whereabouts, suspicious of his absence. Carlisle quietly led them to Bella's apartment, which had been the scene of obvious violence, still reeking of werewolf. Caius said almost nothing the entire time, but looked clearly uncomfortable. Jane didn't even try to hide her amusement upon hearing that Bella and Edward had gotten a divorce before she met a horrible end.

Aro mentioned something about remembering how strongly Edward had resisted the temptation of Bella's blood in the beginning, and wanting to offer his condolences – another implied threat of visiting Edward to make sure he was indeed alone. Carlisle said he would pass them on, but if the Volturi felt so inclined, they could visit him in Brazil where he had taken up living in the house they owned on Isle Esme.

About two weeks after Bella and Seth had returned, Edward came back also. Jake opened the door to him at their newly renovated apartment. He stepped sideways, letting him in without a word.

"Bella, hi." he greeted her. "I thought you might like this back." Edward moved part of his jacket away and Bella saw some furry orange ears pop out, followed by the rest of Bailey's head. _Ooooh Bailey_ Bella squeaked and put her hands out. Edward put Bailey in Bella's arms and she hugged the cat, who meowed in protest.

"Wow, she's so much bigger in just this little time." Bella said wistfully, mumbling _I missed you_ into the cat's fur.

"So are you." Edward said quietly, his face pensive, but his amber eyes clearly got across his meaning. Bella's eyes widened a little, turning her attention from Bailey.

"You knew about me, about…this...didn't you?" Bella asked slowly, surprise leaking into her voice.

"Of course, love."

"I can't believe…I mean…wow. And you still did all this for me." She was thinking out loud.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"It would have been so easy for you not to. To not care, to not want to do anything. Especially…" she trailed off. Jake shifted his weight in the background but didn't say anything.

"Bella, you being with Jacob doesn't change anything. It doesn't make me love you any less. It doesn't make me want anything differently for you than I ever have."

A minute of silence passed by and Bella wasn't sure what to say.

"I always wanted you to be alive, from the very beginning. It was you that was so insistent about becoming a vampire. I know it was my fault, in the end. And – "

"No Edward, it was my fault."

"Bella, maybe we all had a hand in it." Jake stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder and looking at both of them. Edward smiled sadly in response.

"Bella, I want you to be happy. I always have. I always will. This is the chance for things to happen the way they are supposed to this time."

He looked at her belly and then back at her. He could see Jacob remembering that conversation of what literally seemed to be a lifetime ago, back when Edward looked like the burning man and he told Jacob he would give Bella anything she wanted to keep her alive, even if that meant kids with Jacob. He and Jacob locked eyes, just as they had done then too.

There was a momentous shift there in that silence between all three of them. Jacob no longer felt threatened in any way, he no longer felt any animosity. That same moment of understanding crept in and he knew once again, they both wanted the same things for Bella.

"Thank you." Was all he said out loud, but he knew Edward understood completely. Edward was quiet for a moment and then the corners of his lips twitched.

"I stopped by to give Bella Bailey, but I thought you might get a kick out of how pathetic every member of the Volturi thought I was, hanging onto my dead ex-wife's cat when they found me in Brazil holed up where we had our honeymoon."

Bella made a face but Jake smiled back.

"You're right. I think that was a very nice touch. You always had a flair for the dramatic." Jake said levelly and raised his eyebrow.

"That, and I couldn't wait to see your handsome face unable to smirk at me due to the pet dander." Edward was trying very hard not to smile.

"I'll just bet you couldn't." Jake scowled at him.

"It wasn't hard for me, returning another female to a household full of them where you will _never_ get your way again." He chuckled, this time the crooked grin in full force.

Bella gasped, looking at Jake. He moved his hands to her waist and pulled her in for a hug.

"Thanks for ruining the surprise, you ass." He said scowling and smiling at the same time. Jake moved an arm out in a half-hearted attempt to hit him.

"My pleasure." He said, dodging the arm gracefully and disappearing out into the hallway.

AND, SO…

Things were okay between them.

Bella did eventually give birth to a baby girl she named Rory, choosing Rory for its meaning of Red King and how it related to Jacob. She chose Kiran as a middle name, reminiscent of her trip to India and the importance of finding out about the true meaning of their being together. It was a bittersweet day, reminding her of all the things she had loved and lost up until that point. But it was also a beautiful beginning.

It was the start of a fairly painfully normal life, which nobody minded at all.

Jake and Embry started their garage. Bella became an author. Rory grew up just as she was supposed to, a little bit at a time.

The supernatural still existed, but it wasn't a threat.

The Cullens and the wolves even played "baseball" when they felt like it.


End file.
